COUNTERFEIT FALL GUY

[Don't say yes! She's looking for someone to take the fall!] A coworker had just told me she had a family emergency and begged me to post her $30,000 cash deposit into the system.

That was when my phone started going off with DMs and wouldn't stop.

The person on the other end claimed to be me, ten years from now, and he was warning me. [Twentyeight thousand of the thirty grand she took in is counterfeit!] The moment I touched that money, the criminal charge and the repayment would both land on me.

In the messages from ten years out, my mom sold the house to help me. In the end she couldn't afford the treatment, and she swallowed a whole bottle of pills.

I pushed the shock down and looked at her, cold. "I'm busy. I can't post it." "You can go ask Roger." Chapter 1 Alyssa looked like she was in a hurry when she came to me.

I was still puzzled that anyone would hand off a cash job halfway through. Then something even stranger happened.

A few DMs came in on my phone out of nowhere. [I'm you, ten years from now. Don't say yes!

She's looking for someone to take the fall!] [Twentyeight thousand of the thirty grand she took in is counterfeit!] [If you post that deposit for her, the charge becomes yours!] [Mom sold the house to help you, and in the end she couldn't afford the treatment and swallowed a whole bottle of pills!] In that second, the hair on my arms stood up.

The profile picture was my own face. I tapped through to his page, and the posts were all about me. "Desmond, I really appreciate it. Coffee's on me when I get back.

Please!" Alyssa was already turning to go. I called out and stopped her right there. "Hold on. This one I can't do." What was happening was bizarre.

But real or not, I had no reason to take a risk that size for a coworker. "Desmond, all you have to do is post the deposit into the system.

It's a small thing, it won't take much of your time." "And I really do have an emergency at home.

My mom had an accident, she's in the hospital, she's waiting for me!" Alyssa was so worked up she was almost crying. My DMs went off again. [Her mom isn't in any hospital.

She's making up an excuse to get out from under it. Don't believe her!] I shook my head. "Posting it doesn't take long.

You can knock it out yourself." "But my mom is at the hospital waiting for me!" "If you'd talked less, you'd be done by now." That was all I gave her.

I was done going back and forth, and I sat down at my window. Alyssa glared at me, hard. That's right. I wouldn't help her, so she actually glared at me.

She sat down at her own window, and while she worked, she started crying out loud.

Coworkers coming in for their shifts saw it and gathered around her, asking what happened. [This woman loves playing the victim for sympathy.

Watch yourself!] Sure enough, Alyssa started in, sniffling. "My mom had an accident, she's in the hospital, I'm trying to get there, and nobody will take what's on my desk." She glanced over at me a few times while she said it.

Everyone turned and looked at me. And backed her up right away. "Desmond, come on, it's nothing. We're coworkers.

Aren't we supposed to help each other out?" "Right, everybody's got something going on. Next time you have to run out, who's going to help you?" I didn't say anything.

I just did my work. If she liked playing the victim, she could play it. I wasn't touching it, and I didn't even want to explain myself. It was a crappy job.

If I could do it, I did it. If I couldn't, the hell with it, I'd walk. Future me had already warned me. I wasn't going to lay a finger on that money.

Let them say whatever they wanted. Chapter 2 "Pfft. No team spirit, that guy.

It's fine, Alyssa — if Desmond won't help you, I will!" One of the guys couldn't watch it anymore and took the job on himself.

Then he found out it was posting a $30,000 cash deposit, and he froze. And regretted it. "You're posting thirty thousand in cash?" See? Everybody knew the risk in that.

But the me back then — why did I help? I sent that "me" a DM and asked. He came back fast. [Ugh, that was on me, I was too soft.

I couldn't stand it when somebody begged me.] [How was I supposed to know she was lying the whole time!] I rubbed the spot between my eyebrows, pained.

This rotten habit of being helpful was going to have to go.

A good person letting a bad one use him is suicide. "Alyssa, this job, I'm afraid… I can't take it." He scratched his head, embarrassed, and then it came to him. "Because I've got other work — I have to balance my own drawer today, and look at me, only just remembering.

Sorry, I've got to get on it, the boss is waiting on it!" He took off. The rest of them didn't want the stink on them either, and they scattered.

Alyssa cried harder, more pitifully, and it didn't buy her any help or any sympathy. Then she came back to me anyway. She wasn't giving up.

She kept her voice low. "Desmond, can you just help me? I'll pay you, okay? You won't be doing it for nothing." "The hospital is all over me.

If I do it myself it's half an hour, minimum." I almost sprayed my coffee. Offering me money? That settled it.

There was counterfeit in that stack, no question! "Alyssa, I'm busy too. I can't post it.

You can go ask Roger." "Desmond, are you even a man?!" Alyssa stared at me, eyes wide. "I'm asking you for one small favor.

Why are you dodging it?" "Honestly, I've had a thing for you. I was even thinking about being your girlfriend.

And you're this cold to me, you won't even do this much." I let out an awkward laugh. "Except I don't like you. Alyssa, please, stand back a little.

I'm clocking in." Alyssa's hands closed into fists, and she took one step back, hating every inch of it. I clocked in, and right then the branch manager, Roger, showed up.

He moved in on Alyssa, joking around, close enough that it looked like he'd put his hands on her any second. "Alyssa, what's with the outfit today, you look hot.

What perfume is that? You smell incredible!" "Oh, wait — weren't you taking the day off?" Alyssa's face crumpled.

She dropped into her chair at her window in a sulk, put her head down, and cried. It startled Roger. "What's this now? I say your perfume smells good and you cry?

I didn't do anything else." Alyssa said through the crying, "My mom's in the hospital and I still have work on my desk.

It doesn't matter how much of a hurry I'm in." "Oh, that's all? Don't cry. Nothing to cry about." While he was soothing her, he asked the rest of them what they were working on.

He got all the way around the room, then quit asking. He just handed Alyssa's job to whoever was sitting closest to her.

Me. "Desmond, take care of this for Alyssa." [Here he goes again. Anything nobody else wants, Roger pushes onto me. And I… never said no.] Never said no?

I finished reading and laid the phone facedown on the counter. "Roger, I can't do it." "What?" Roger thought he'd misheard.

Chapter 3 A guy who pulled rank at the drop of a hat couldn't take an inch of pushback.

He came right back at me. "And if I'm the one assigning it to you?" "Assigning it doesn't change anything. What she's leaving behind is a cash posting.

Unless it gets recounted in front of me and run back through the bill counter, I can't take it." Roger paused. He was the branch manager.

There was no way he didn't know how touchy that was. He turned to Alyssa. "Alyssa, did you run the bills?" "Of course I ran them.

Who takes in cash without running it!" After that Alyssa's phone kept ringing and she kept taking the calls. Looked like her hair was on fire.

She begged me. "The hospital keeps calling me. I've been in banking for years, I've never had a problem with cash, trust me!" "I don't.

The bills get run in front of me or I'm not helping." "Also — is your mom really in the hospital? Get her on video." "Roger, listen to him.

Would I joke about my own mother's health… what am I supposed to do!" Alyssa held on to Roger's arm and cried. Roger took a deep breath.

It was a while before he said anything. "Alyssa, go take care of your thing. I'll watch.

We'll just have Desmond run it again." "Thank you, Roger, thank you!" Alyssa grabbed his arm, thanking him over and over, and turned to go. [Don't let her leave!

Once she's gone there's no sorting it out!] The DM came in, and at the same moment I was warning Roger. "Roger, if we don't run those bills with her standing here and counterfeits turn up, what happens when she turns around and denies it?" "Deny what!

Desmond, I sure had you pegged wrong today!" Alyssa shot me one hard glare and took off.

And Roger turned right around and gave me an order. "Desmond, go run the bills and post it." [Now we're screwed, what are we going to do!] The me from ten years out was dejected.

But I smiled. "Roger, I can't do it." Roger said, "Why can't you?" "I didn't take that cash in.

If there's counterfeit in it, whose is it?" That made Roger laugh. "Desmond, that kind of caution is worth encouraging." "But the odds of that are tiny. We're all bank people here.

Alyssa isn't going to make a mistake like that. Who takes in cash without running it?" "Small odds aren't no odds.

I'm not taking it." "And I've got my own work." I put my head back down and kept working. [Yes!

Nice, Desmond, you did the thing I never had the guts to do!] What I didn't expect was Roger losing his patience and starting to lean on me with the manager's authority. "Desmond, I give you an assignment and you just don't do it?

You don't do it, so what, you're waiting for me, the manager, to do it?" "Roger, you're the one who let her walk. At this point you really are the right person to do it." Bang—!

Roger slammed his hand down on my counter. "Desmond, you're refusing to follow management. You think I won't fire you?" I set down what I was doing and said it flat. "Sure.

Then let's talk about how much severance you owe me." Roger's eyes went wild. By now everyone was looking over.

A senior teller tried to talk him down. "Roger, it's normal for Desmond to have concerns.

With cash, handing it off halfway is the one thing you don't do." "Alyssa's got a family emergency!

Has this bank really got so little heart left in it?" The teller gave an awkward laugh, said nothing, and walked away.

Roger went back to ordering me around. "I'll run the bills with you. Does that work for you now?" Chapter 4 "You doing it with me is fine. But if something goes wrong, whose is it?

We settle that first." "What's going to go wrong! Desmond, how did I never notice what a pain you are?" I smiled and said, "Better safe than sorry.

If counterfeits turn up, all of it lands on you. Deal?" "If that doesn't work, we seal it and it waits for Alyssa to handle herself." "Fine. If there's counterfeit, I'll cover it.

If the count is off, I'll cover that too. Good enough?" Roger was out of patience. Then I had him write it out by hand and sign it. He glared, eyes wide. But he signed.

Anything went wrong, it wasn't on me. [Desmond, nice work!] The me in the DMs was over the moon, firing off a dozen emojis and GIFs in a row.

With it all said out loud like that, I stopped pushing back. I took my phone, started recording and kept it running, and went to the vault with him. "Do you have to be this careful?

We're all coworkers. You pull this, and next time you need something, who's going to help you?" Roger kept needling me. I came right back at him. "Thirty thousand in cash.

If it goes wrong, who's going to help me?" Roger had nothing. He told me to hurry up, there was plenty of work waiting out front.

I got the camera positioned, hauled the bill counter over, and started counting. The first two straps, two thousand dollars, were fine. They went right through.

But when I picked up the third strap, the feel of it in my hand told me something was wrong. I put it in the machine, and the second it started turning, the alarm wouldn't stop.

Roger froze, then came right over to look. The second he picked up one of the fakes, he went blank.

He grabbed a few more straps that hadn't been run yet, panicking so hard the sweat came out on his forehead