Dumping the Bad Boy Five Times

I have to break up with the campus bad boy. Five times.Not because I want to. Because I don't get a choice. And I can't tell him why.So I do it. Dump him, crawl back, dump him again, crawl back again.

A yoyo on a string I never tied.By the fifth time, something in him just gave.Red eyes. A voice that wouldn't hold steady. That flat, cold thing his face does right before it cracks."You're really doing this again?

Looking me in the eye and finding another reason to walk?"His jaw locked."Fine. Then I'll die right here, and make you watch."Chapter 1I'd already dumped Cole twice.Now here I was, walking back into his booth to beg him to take me back.

Round three.The private room was dark and loud. Cole was stretched across the couch like he owned the building, a cigarette loose between two fingers, smoke blurring the sharp, careless lines of him.He saw me.

His expression dropped a degree.He crushed the cigarette out. "Why'd you drag someone who's got nothing to do with this?"The room went stiff for a second.Everyone knew exactly who he meant."Hi, Cole," I said, sweet as anything, like I hadn't heard a word of it.His face soured.I was getting good at this.

The shameless grin. The crawling back. Practice I never asked for and couldn't explain to a single person in that room."Come on, we're all from the same school," I said. "Let her hang out."Beck stepped in to smooth it over.

Quinn's boyfriend, and the closest thing Cole had to a best friend. All easy grins and zero shame. He waved me and Quinn down into the seats.I took the opening and dropped down right next to Cole.Close enough to bump his knee.

I leaned in and kept it low. "This past month apart.

Did you miss me?"Cole stared straight ahead and said nothing.Saying nothing meant yes.I lit up. "So let's get back together."He looked at the sheer nerve on my face, and something in his jaw went tight.He pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek and forced one word out through his teeth."Leave."Touchy.I shut my mouth and sat on the sting.The booth warmed back up around us.

Quinn knew why I'd come, and she'd promised to help.She floated truth or dare.Whatever god runs nights like this was feeling generous.

First round, she had him."Truth," Quinn said, all innocence. "Say your ex walked up right now and asked to get back together. Would you take her?"Every head at the table swung between me and Cole."No." He didn't even pause.

Cold little smile. "I don't do pathetic."Tough crowd.Saw that coming.I sighed and let my whole face fall. Quinn flicked me a look that said hold steady. She had a second move."Dare," she said. "You and Maeve. Rockpaperscissors.

Loser dates the winner."The girl was a professional.The whole table lit up, eyes darting, grinning like they'd already watched us kiss and make up.Honestly? Same.Then Cole, stonefaced, and I threw at the exact same time.We both threw scissors.Me: …

cool. Cool cool cool.I pulled my hand back and gave up on talking.Cole's mouth twitched. He fought it and lost, just a little, and some of the cold bled off him.We ran a few more rounds.

Late, everyone got their fill and stood to head back to campus.I dragged my feet to the back of the group, stealing looks at the sharp line of his profile.He still wouldn't look at me.

One long stride and he was gone, swallowed by the dark.So I stood at the curb and tried to order a car.For some reason, ten minutes in, not a single driver would pick up.The summer night had a cold edge to it. I wrapped my arms around myself.

Should've just left with Quinn.Then, low and far off, an engine. Coming closer.Cole pulled up in front of me on that blackedout, obscene machine of a motorcycle. The helmet hid the cutglass lines of his face. Just his eyes showed."Helmet.

Get on." It came out muffled.He'd caved.For a guy who doesn't do pathetic, he sure idled at the curb a long time, holding out a helmet.I climbed on behind him and looped my arms around his lean waist, grinning into his back.

He was paying attention to me again. Tonight, I might actually pull this off.I started drafting it in my head.

How I'd wear him down, soft and stubborn, until he said yes.I didn't let myself think about the rest.About how every time I crawl back to him, the clock just starts over.

About how this, the heat of him through his shirt, the road smearing past, all of it, was time I was only borrowing.I held on tighter and didn't think about it.Chapter 2We barely made the campus gates before Quinn called.It was the weekend, and she'd cooked up a reason I couldn't go back to my room.

The RAs were running a surprise check tonight, she said. Anyone signing in past curfew was getting written up. And it was coming down in sheets out there. Don't come back, she told me. You'll get flagged.I hung up. Right on cue, Beck called Cole.

Same story on his side of campus.Quiet for a beat. Neither of us said it out loud.We'd get a room near campus for the night.Two rooms, that was the plan. The girl at the front desk was very, very sorry. Weekend crowd.

Almost everything was booked.One room left. One bed.Cole lifted his eyes to me. "You staying or not?"I set my jaw. "Staying."One room. Him.I didn't know where to put my hands.

I pinched my own fingers and stared hard at anything that wasn't him.It took real effort to look up.

When I did, Cole had a fist in the collar of his Tshirt, and he hauled it up.Lean torso, cold pale skin, right there in front of me."What are you doing?" It came out in pieces.

My face went hot.When we'd been together, we never got further than kissing. I was nowhere near ready for whatever this was."I'm sweaty.

Getting in the shower." Eyebrow up, mouth tipped into something that wasn't quite a smile. "What did you think I was doing?"That innocent, troublemaking thing he does.Hair falling loose over his brow.

Stupidly, unfairly goodlooking."Strip in the bathroom!" My face betrayed me and went red by degrees.He showered. Came out with a towel slung low. I'd already burrowed under the covers, glued to my own edge of the mattress."Relax, ex.

Keeping my hands to myself." He watched me flinch away from him and let out a short laugh. "Not interested."He cracked a water bottle and tipped his head back to drink.Too fast. Some of it spilled.

Down his chin, his throat, the line of his neck, his collarbone.All the way down.My eyes followed it down the line of his throat and wouldn't come back up. My mouth had gone dry, my pulse knocking in it.I swallowed.Okay.

Maybe I wouldn't have hated the notclean version.He finished, pulled the covers back, and got in. Lights off. The room went dead quiet.Every breath I took was citrus.

His body wash, all through the dark.I chewed on it for a while, then rolled over and said it small."Cole.

Let's get back together."Thin neon bled through the window, laid a film of light over everything.He kept his eyes shut and said nothing.Asleep.I lay back, deflated.And then, just as I was finally going under, his voice cut through the dark."You dumped me twice.

And you've got the nerve to ask?"Cold enough to jolt me wide awake.I flipped over to face him, earnest as I could make it. "I wasn't thinking last time. I broke up with you on impulse. I was wrong."Both times I'd left him, the excuse was the same.

That I couldn't decide whether I wanted to be with him.The lie tasted like nothing in my mouth.Cole cracked his eyes open, that black stare fixed on me. "And now you've decided?""Mm." I nodded too fast and reached for his hand, all eager apology.He closed his eyes.

Tuned me out again.I leaned in and kissed the corner of his mouth, soft, coaxing, a small sound catching in my throat.Kept at it. Nothing."Forget it. I didn't say anything."He was proud. The kind of proud I'd already carved up pretty thoroughly.

No reason for a boy like him to keep hanging on by one crooked branch.Even if the branch was me.I edged back to my own side of the mattress and made myself small.So that was that.

He wasn't budging tonight.I shut my eyes and tried not to feel him breathing two feet away. Close enough to touch.

The one thing I kept wanting and kept making myself put back down.Chapter 3His arm shot out, caught me around the waist, and hauled me back.Before I could process it he had me pinned, his hand at my jaw, and he kissed me."Maeve.

I'm so damn wrecked over you." Through his teeth, furious about it.The kiss came down hard, heat rolling off him, like he wanted to take me apart and keep the pieces. The kiss too fast, too heavy, the rough scrape of stubble stinging my skin.

That faint bitter taste of tobacco between us.The hand at my waist didn't behave. It slid up under my shirt, palm scalding against the small of my back.My whole body strained toward him.

For half a second I kissed him back, all of it, before I caught myself, got my hands flat on his chest, and pushed him off, breathing hard."So this means we're back together?" My face was hot. It came out soft.He was running too hot to sit still.

He got up for water, drained half the bottle in one go, and grunted a "yeah" through his nose."No more tossing out breakups like they cost nothing." He pulled the covers back and folded me into him.

Dead serious.I tipped my head back against his arm, met his eyes, and nodded fast, eager, agreeable.Inside, the floor dropped out.Three more to go.A little smile pulled at his mouth.

He leaned down and pecked my lips. "Good girl."The heat climbed back up. I hooked my arms around his neck, right in the middle of deciding whether to go for the notclean version. That was when it came through the wall. A sound.

Thin wall, bad soundproofing. The kind you don't need explained.I went red all the way down my neck.So embarrassing.Cole wasn't fazed in the slightest. He cradled the back of my head, nipped at my lip, mildly put out. "Focus."But next door got louder.

Louder. Until the headboard was knocking the wall in a steady beat.Cole went still. His face darkened and he clicked his tongue. "Real talented over there."He sat up, crooked one long finger, and rapped the wall."Keep it down. Wrap it up.

Don't you people have an eight a.m.?"Next door went instantly, beautifully silent.I lost it, turned my face into the mattress and laughed.Whatever mood we'd had was thoroughly dead.

I yawned into his chest.Cole tucked me in against him and pinched my cheek, his whole face gone soft."Night. My girl. The one I keep losing and getting back."He had no idea how true that was.So Cole and I were back together.

Again.Next day at school, Quinn ambushed me in the classroom, grinning like she had dirt on me."So. That assist, me and Beck. Flawless, right?" She leaned in. "And? Is he built or not?"The RA check had been fake. The whole thing.

A setup.It clicked, and my face went pink. I puffed my cheeks and socked her in the arm.My mouth, traitor that it is, told the truth anyway. "…

Tempting."Broad shoulders, narrow waist, that cold pale skin. Anybody would shortcircuit.Quinn dragged out a long, knowing "ohhhh," watching me.I squirmed under it and snapped back, mortified. "Get your head out of the gutter.

Nothing happened."We'd skipped breakfast to make the early class.

The second it let out, Cole turned up with milk and a roll for me.He slouched against the window, hands in his pockets, those black eyes gone warm, watching me eat.Beck had come with him.

He posted up by Quinn's desk and waggled his eyebrows at Cole."Cole. Didn't you say last night you don't do pathetic? And yet. Here you are."Cole's brow lifted. He kicked Beck in the shin, grinning. "I do what I want.

Get lost."I sat there laughing along with them.The laugh died fast.Chapter 4It hit me like a live wire. Everything in me locked up for a second.The countdown in my head clicked back on.My appetite was just gone.

I set the roll down."Done already?" Cole asked."Mm." I nodded, listless.I had to leave him again.We'd just gotten back together."Tell me what you want for lunch. I'll take you." He thought I didn't like the bread.

He bent down, cupped my face, and coaxed me, his voice gone gentle.I pushed the grief down behind my eyes and dragged up a smile. "Spicy noodle soup."It didn't take long. Breakup number three.That day I had no classes. I didn't text him.

I slipped over to the compsci building to surprise him.What I found was Cole in the corridor with a shorthaired girl in his arms. Close. The kind of close that has a name.The words tore out of me. "What are you doing?"He heard me and froze.

His hands came off her on instinct. The girl stumbled."Maeve, that was—""Don't." I pulled my arm free the second he reached for it, like his hand belonged to a stranger. I didn't raise my voice. I didn't let it shake. "There's nothing to explain.

We're done."I turned before my face could sell me out.The second my back was to him, it all caved in. My throat closed. My eyes went hot and spilled over.

Every part of me I'd held flat through "We're done" broke loose the instant he couldn't see it.Make it clean. Make it cruel. Come apart on your own time.I walked fast, then faster, so he wouldn't hear it catch in my chest. I didn't look back."No way.

It's been, what, three days? You're broken up again?" Quinn was doing her makeup, humming, her phone going off nonstop on the desk.She picked it up, skimmed the screen, and her eyes went wide."Yeah," I said. "We're done.

I saw him with another girl."I'd blocked every way he had to reach me. I curled up under my blanket and watched unknown numbers light up the screen, one after another, and made myself decline every single one."You know exactly how into you he is.

You can feel it. What if it's a misunderstanding?

At least hear him out." Quinn hauled me upright and shoved her phone in my face.Cole had borrowed Beck's account and was blowing up Quinn's DMs.Cole: [It's Cole.]Cole: [Tell Maeve to unblock me.]Cole: [I can explain.

That was a misunderstanding.]Cole: [That girl walked up, said her blood sugar crashed, and dropped against me.]Cole: [I hadn't even reacted.

I was about to peel her off and Maeve walked in.]Cole: [I'm getting railroaded here, I swear to god.]Cole: [Maeve. Pick up. Please don't do this.]Cole: [It's my fault.

From now on everyone but you stays three feet back.]Cole: [Not even a female mosquito gets near me.]Cole: [Please stop being mad. Just talk to me.]"It's a mixup, that's all. You clear it up and you're fine.

Cole's dated exactly three times in his life, all of them you.

You've got him so wrapped around your finger he wouldn't have the time to cheat."Quinn put the phone away and rubbed my back.I didn't say anything.There was nothing to clear up, and no way to say so. Not to Quinn.

Not to anyone.I let her think this was a broken heart. I kept my face to the wall so she couldn't see that it wasn't.Chapter 5Here's what I didn't tell Quinn.The shorthaired girl in the corridor? I paid her.I knew her blood sugar was fine.

I knew she'd drop against him, and I knew exactly when, because I picked the time.

I knew Cole never so much as glanced at her.I walked into a scene I'd built, and I broke his heart standing in the middle of it, and I made it as cold as I could so it would take.Not because he did a single thing wrong.

Because I don't get to just be with him. Because there's a reason I have to do this, and it lives in the one place I can't say out loud.So I didn't say it.I let the whole dorm think I was a girl with a cheating boyfriend.

I cried into my pillow like one. And underneath it, I counted.The next morning, Cole was waiting under my dorm. He hadn't slept."Maeve. Believe me." He caught my wrist, begging.

Worn thin, eyes threaded with red.I kept my face flat and pulled my hand back, cold about it. Swallowed the guilt whole. Stepped past him, my shoulder grazing his, and kept walking.A few steps later my body locked up for half a second.

That old, familiar lurch.And just like that, I knew. I could go back to him now.The relief almost took my knees out. I shoved my books into Quinn's arms, spun, and ran at him."I believe you! We're okay!"He hadn't moved.

I crashed into his chest, pressed my face over his heart, voice gone bright."I promise. There won't be a next time."I knocked him back a step. Then his arms came up and folded around me and pulled tight.

Happy and guilty and somewhere far off all at once. Holding on like he wanted to work me into his bones.Breakup number three, survived.I let out a breath.Cole got worse after that. Clingier.

Outside of class, every spare minute landed on me.Beck told me he'd stayed up the whole night, sitting there taking himself apart piece by piece.

He'd decided there had to be something he'd done wrong, some place he'd fallen short, to make me stop trusting him.He'd fix it. Whatever it was, he'd fix it.It sat in my chest like a swallowed stone. He was apologizing to me for a crime I'd committed.

The guilt rose till I couldn't see over it.Two more, I told myself. Two more and I'm free.None of it slows down just because I drag my feet. A month later, the fourth countdown started.It was a Saturday.

Cole took me to the amusement park.We rode everything. Then he laced his fingers through mine and we drifted through the lights with nowhere in particular to be.The night air had gone cool.

Somewhere in the wandering I spotted a little stall selling headbands.

I lit up, towed him over, picked out a fuzzy bunny pair, and went up on my toes to fit them on him.Cole ducked down and let me, mouth curving.I barely got to savor my own bad taste before a wave of gasps went up beside us.A proposal."Aww.

Look at that." It got out of me before I could stop it.Candles laid in a heart. A guy, hands shaking, holding out a huge armful of roses. Down on one knee. Ring out of his pocket.

Voice trembling as he asked her."That's so played out," Cole said, chin tipped up, loose and unbothered.I tugged him a few steps off so the poor guy wouldn't hear and lose his moment."When I do it," Cole said, "it won't be this corny." His eyes were serious.

Bright. On me.That cocky, untamed face of his, gone stupidly soft under a pair of fuzzy bunny ears.He paused.

Then, because he couldn't help himself: "And the diamond won't be this small."The nerve on him.I bit my lip and turned my face away so he wouldn't catch how sweet it landed.The park was closing.

Cole didn't want me thirsty, so he caught a stall before the gate came down and got me a strawberry juice.He poked the straw in and held it to my mouth."See if you like it.

If you don't, I'll get you another flavor."I looked down at the cold, lean stretch of his wrist where his sleeve had slid back, and I bit the straw and took a sip.Sweet and sour, blooming across my tongue.About right, for where I was.The sweet was Cole.The sour was…

Chapter 6None of it slows down. The fourth countdown had already started."Cole.

Let's break up."I sat on the edge of my bed, one hand pressing a wad of tissue to a nosebleed that wouldn't quit, the other typing those words into the message box.I finished it and couldn't make myself hit send."Why are you bleeding again?" Quinn had just washed her face.

She caught sight of the trash can, the tissues soaked through red, and jumped."It's nothing. Just rundown," I mumbled."That's a whole lot of rundown. You sure you don't want it looked at?" She wasn't buying it."I'm fine.

Really.""You know, last time you bled like this was right when you and Cole first got together.

Boyfriend that hot, a body like that, no wonder your blood's running riot." She laughed, rummaged through a drawer, and came up with a couple of teabags, the kind meant to cool you down, and made me steep one.Half a pack of tissues later, I sighed and looked at Cole's latest message.Him: [Baby, why are you ignoring me?]I pressed send.Three seconds, tops.Him: [Baby.

Don't joke about this.]The bleeding stopped.He called. I took it out onto the balcony."Baby. Are you in a bad mood today?" Low voice, threaded with panic.I let two seconds pass.

Then I forced it out. "We're breaking up."His breath stalled."Don't joke," he said, pressing the words flat."I mean it.

I want to break up." The tears came up fast and spilled over while I blinked, one string of them after another."Why?" he asked."Because…