He Loved the Girl I Used to Be

At 165 pounds, I slept with the school heartthrob the night of our graduation bender. The next morning, I woke up to his friends joking around. "Emma's the It girl.

She and Big K are perfect together. Not like that fat chick Remy—all that blubber.

So gross." And the name Knox had called out the night before, in the heat of the moment, had sounded like "Emmy" too. I'd chased him for two years.

Humiliated and furious, I left, and from then on I vanished from his world.

Six years later, my debut film was stuck at NC17—a rating most theaters won't touch—and wouldn't budge, so my manager took me to a private party that could decide the movie's fate.

Glass in hand, I pushed open the door to the private room.

The next second, I locked eyes with Knox, seated at the center of the room… Chapter 1 The moment my eyes met Knox's, my heart seemed to skip a beat, and I could barely keep hold of the glass in my hand.

My manager had only told me that Brightwater Pictures' heir apparent, just back in the States from overseas, went by Jason. She hadn't told me his full name.

All I knew was that he had an in with the people at the top of the ratings board, and for close to twothirds of the films in the industry, getting a rating through came down to his sayso.

In the six months since he'd taken over Brightwater Pictures, plenty of actresses had tried to throw themselves at him, and every one of them had been turned away.

My manager was out of options this time. She'd sent me to try my luck—a Hail Mary. The second I barged in, the guy next to Knox shot to his feet. "Who are you?

Who let you in?" "Don't you know Big K can't stand women like you, coming in here offering yourselves up? Get lost.

Now!" "Probably another one some manager sent over to climb into his bed, huh? You've really made a name for yourself, Knox.

Everybody's trying to climb their way up to you." As they talked, Knox unhurriedly lit a cigarette, then raised his eyes and gave me a cold look.

There was displeasure in his eyes, as if he were looking at a stranger. That was when it hit me: I wasn't the 165pound fat girl anymore, and my looks had changed a lot.

He probably hadn't recognized me. I let out a breath, smiled brightly, and raised my glass. "It was rude of me to show up uninvited. Please don't hold it against me, Big K.

Let me drink to make up for it." With that, I tipped my head back and drained it.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Knox's brow knit, but he didn't say anything. "My name is Noelle Marlowe.

I'm new in the industry, and I just made a film called Dream of the Old Capital—" Before I could finish, someone cut me off impatiently. "Okay, like I care if you're Noelle or whatever!

The girls before you took their clothes off, and Big K didn't even glance at them. Don't waste your time." "Yeah, sweetheart, take my advice and go.

When he gets mad, it's more than you or the company behind you can handle." I'd expected it, but my heart still sank. I looked at Knox in the center of the room.

He hadn't said a word the whole time. "Sorry to bother you." I turned to leave.

The next second, a familiar voice, low and lazy, came from behind me. "Dream of the Old Capital?" "Rings a bell." At that, the people who'd just been mocking me went quiet.

I turned back, dazed. Knox's strikingly handsome face was halfhidden in the play of light and shadow, his features deep and sculpted, every move he made still pulling at me.

The boyish swagger was still there, but now it came with a new steadiness.

Chapter 2 "I hear the subject matter's good, but a few parts are sensitive, so the appeal still came back NC17." I nodded eagerly. "Yes, that's the one." "Our company's been in touch with the ratings board," I added. "We can cut the sensitive material, but they still haven't given us a straight answer." The implication was obvious.

I clenched my fingers nervously. Knox got up from the sofa and walked over to me.

At six foot three, he loomed over me, and his presence was almost suffocating. "You've got the wrong guy. That's not my department." With that, he started to leave.

The instant he brushed past me, my heart lurched, and I grabbed his arm. "Everyone says your connections go all the way to the top, Big K.

Could you… help me figure something out?" Knox stopped. His gaze settled darkly on the back of my hand.

Belatedly, I let go, and worked up my nerve. "I know you don't want for anything, Big K, but if you could help me with this, then whatever you want from now on, I'll do my best to make it happen." "Whatever I want?" Knox's gaze landed on my face, unreadable.

After a few seconds of silence, he raised an eyebrow and said mockingly, "What I want, I'm afraid Ms.

Marlowe can't afford to give." With that, Knox pushed the door open and left the room. I went back down to the underground garage, deflated.

My manager, Vicki, came rushing out of the Sprinter van. "Well? Did you see Jason? What did he say?" I shook my head without a word. Vicki sighed and patted my shoulder. "It's fine.

We saw this coming." "I heard that at a dinner a while back, a Best Actress winner toasted him, and Jason didn't even drink." "I only figured, since you two went to the same school, it was worth a try.

What if it worked?" She pushed me toward the van, asking curiously as she did, "But did you seriously not know Knox in high school?

With a face like that, he had to be the school heartthrob, right?" I froze halfway into the van, then sat down like nothing had happened.

Outside the door, Vicki was eyeing me suspiciously. Seeing she was about to ask more, I cut her off. "Vicki, I really didn't know him.

Maybe he got work done later." "I mean, plastic surgery's pretty common these days." The words were barely out of my mouth when Vicki broke into a violent coughing fit and shot me a sharp shutup look.

Confused, I stuck my head out of the van. At some point, a dark blue RollsRoyce had pulled up behind the van. The rear window was rolled down.

Knox's face was hidden in the shadows of the back seat, his expression unreadable. His assistant walked over and respectfully handed me a card for a private members' club. "Ms.

Marlowe, Mr. Bennett would like to invite you to dinner at this address tomorrow night." "Also… Mr.

Bennett says that when you're there, you're welcome to check for yourself whether he's had any work done." Me: "…" "What's Knox up to?

Trying to get you on the casting couch?" Vicki turned the card over in her hands. "This isn't a room key, is it?" A room key? Memories I'd buried came knocking.

I just never expected that after all these years, Knox's tastes still hadn't changed. "Wait, no. Knox turned down a Best Actress winner.

Why would he hand a room key to you, of all people?" "Be honest.

Did you two have a thing before?" I forced a bitter smile. "How could we?" "You've seen my photos from before my debut. I was as round as a ball.

Knox would never go for me." Chapter 3 It was a convincing reason. Vicki gave a vague nod. "True. Back then you'd probably have disappeared in a crowd.

But who'd have guessed that once the weight came off, your face would turn out to be made for the big screen?" I gave her a halfhearted smile. Actually, Vicki was wrong.

Back then I didn't just stand out—I was one of the most talkedabout people at school. My name was tied to Knox's for two whole years.

It even got to the point where he couldn't stand me… In the fall of junior year, Knox transferred from Los Angeles to Lindenfield, and from his first day he was the school heartthrob everyone was watching.

Like most girls, I fell for him the first time I saw him. But I knew my place. Back then I was on medication, and it had pushed my weight up to 165 pounds.

So while other girls screamed for him from the sidelines, I only dared to hide on the second floor of the school building and look down at him on the basketball court, soaring for layups, impossible to look away from.

Other girls stuffed love letter after love letter into his locker. I only dared to sneak a glance at his back when he passed my desk after class on his way to the water fountain.

Then I'd quietly write my girlish feelings into my diary. It should have stayed a quiet, lovely teenage crush. Until one day, I came back to the classroom after running laps in gym.

A boy who always liked picking on me had dug my diary out of my bag and was reading it aloud in front of the whole class. "'Knox, I don't know why I like you so much.

I've never even said a word to you, I only ever dare to look at your back—'" "Holy crap, Fat Remy, you've got balls!

You've got a crush on Big K?" Laughing, he read out, word by word, the most tender feelings I'd kept hidden deep in my heart. My eyes went red with humiliation and anger.

But he just grinned and slapped the diary down on Knox's desk. "Big K, quick interview: what's it feel like to have a fat pig crushing on you?" At that, every eye in the room swung toward us.

Holding back my tears, I looked at Knox in his seat. He didn't say anything.

He put down his book, silently picked up the diary from his desk, and walked over to me. "Thank you." "But from now on, could you not write any more?" It was like an invisible hand had closed around my throat.

I heard my pride shatter inside me, and took the diary with trembling hands. "Okay.

I get it…" That was when the tears finally slid down, like the gray rain that wouldn't let up in the early spring of that year.

I wiped them away and shoved the diary back into my bag. Then Knox, beside me, suddenly spoke. "Also, you've talked to me now." "What?" I sniffled and looked up, stunned.

Knox's face was in shadow, backlit, his black eyes like points of starlight set into the dark. "Didn't you write in your diary that you'd never talked to me?" His lips curved. "Now you have." Maybe it was because Knox "didn't mind" and was so "gracious" about it.

From that day on, there were always busybodies in class teasing us about each other.

Though mostly it was to humiliate me. "Fat Remy, you're just taking advantage of Knox being nice so you can gross him out all you want, aren't you?" "Take a look in the mirror.

Knox has Emma. Like he'd ever go for you." Back then, Knox was the regular male emcee at school events. And the female emcee was Emma, the school's It girl.

One time, Emma made a big show of coming to our classroom. Chapter 4 "Knox, can you come out for a sec? I saw Mrs.

Bennett at my dad's company this morning, and she asked me to bring you a jacket." It sounded so intimate that the whole room erupted in whoops!

I crouched pathetically around the corner of the hallway. I heard Emma ask angrily, "What's the deal with that Remy in your class? She's always all over you.

How can anyone be so shameless!" At that, Knox's brow knit, and he sounded annoyed. "Don't talk nonsense. She's just a classmate." My ears rang.

I didn't have the courage to hear whatever they said next. I covered my mouth and hurried away.

Even though I'd known Knox wouldn't go for me, hearing the rejection with my own ears was still a crushing blow to my teenage self.

After that day, I started going out of my way to avoid Knox. Wherever he showed up, I got out of the way, trying not to cause him any trouble.

But that meant everyone else lost their entertainment.

So one day in swim class, just as I was heading to the locker room to change, a girl from our grade stopped me. "Hey, the locker room door's broken.

You have to change in the lounge on the second floor." I didn't think twice and took my swimsuit upstairs.

But when I pushed open the halfclosed door, I found myself staring at a boy's back.

The muscles of his back were hard and sculpted, and from the side I could just make out the V at his hips. I shut my eyes on reflex. "I'm sorry!

I didn't know anyone was in here." He shot me a sideways glance, grabbed a Tshirt from beside him, pulled it on, and turned around. It was Knox!

At that moment, a crowd of people slammed the lounge door open, and the insults came raining down on me