His Jealousy Came Too Late

"Laney, why is your online boyfriend adding me?" By the time my best friend asked me that, I had already blocked him.

The first time we met in person, his eyes went straight past me and landed on her. He fell for her on the spot, and he wasn't subtle about it.

I wasn't going to hang around and get humiliated, so I deleted him and disappeared on everyone. But when the guy I'd grown up with heard her ask that question, he smiled.

I couldn't tell what the smile meant. That night he backed me into a corner and wound the ends of my hair around his finger.

There was a laugh under his voice. "You told me once you'd like me for the rest of your life." "Little liar. Do you know what the punishment is for lying?" Chapter 1 I froze.

Then it registered and I shoved him off me. My voice came out tight. "I was a kid. I didn't know what I was saying." "That whole I'lllikeyouforever thing?

I've said it to plenty of people." The second the words were out, the finger looped through my hair went still.

Out of the corner of my eye I caught it — Beck's jaw locking, his face going dark.

It took him a while to answer, and when he did his voice was flat. "Is that right." I shrugged. "What did you expect?" "You want to see the stuff I send my boyfriend—" "No." Beck slid his hands into his pockets and straightened up.

He dropped his eyes.

Just like that he was back to being cool and far away, as if that one second of losing hold of himself had never happened. "Then here's to you and that guy you met online." His mouth curved, and there was nothing behind it. "Steady hearts.

Long, happy relationship." Then he turned and walked out. I bit down hard on my lip and didn't say a word.

After the door shut I was still standing in the same place, and something bitter kept coming up in me. A long relationship. How? Beck didn't know.

Yesterday I'd ended things with Jonah. Jonah was the guy I'd met online. But before him, my first love… was actually Beck.

Senior year, fall semester, the last class before winter break. Our teacher handed out index cards and told us to write one line to whoever had been sitting next to us all year.

We could write about something we were stuck on in school, or something we were confused about in our own lives, or the thing we'd been carrying around all year and never had the nerve to say out loud.

I held the pen for a long time.

In the end I wrote one line. "After we graduate, I want to ask you a question." Beck read the card and raised an eyebrow. "What kind of question has to wait until after graduation?" I shook my head. "I can't tell you now." "It's a secret." He laughed a little and let it go.

I thought he'd forgotten about it. But on graduation day, early evening, I came out of the building with a cardboard box of everything from my emptied locker.

And there was Beck, leaning against his car, waiting for me. He took the box out of my hands. Then he turned his head, casual about it. "So, Laney.

Can you tell me now?" "What you wanted to ask me." I stopped. My fingers closed hard around my backpack strap. My pulse was banging like a drum in my ears.

It took me a second to get it out, and my voice shook. "Do you like me?" The words were barely out of my mouth when a burst of laughter went up behind me. "Hahahaha — holy shit, Beck, you absolute legend, Delaney actually did it!" Chapter 2 I had no idea why the nastiest group of guys in our class was standing there.

But hearing that, I thought I could guess. "What does that mean…?" Beck raised an eyebrow. "It was a bet." "We bet you'd confess to me." He bent down, his dark eyes on me. "Laney, do you have any idea how obvious you are every time you look at me?" I guess I'm the kind of person who has to hear it out loud before she'll quit.

With everyone laughing at me, I still asked. "So what do you think, then?" Beck tipped his head. "Was I too nice to you?" "What made you think I'd ever want you?" My fingers locked up.

He said it lightly, like it cost him nothing. Innocent and cruel at the same time. He straightened up, and the last thing he did was look down at me.

After that I didn't dare like him anymore. I didn't dare go near him either. I spent a long stretch of time in a fog. Every day I shut myself in my room and played games.

When my teammates got on the mic to tell me I was garbage, I didn't fire back. I just kept tapping the screen. That was when I met Jonah. He was a random match, on my team.

He was good, and he insisted on being modest about it, joking around. Every other line out of him was some version of "carry me, boss." I didn't want to deal with him.

But he kept going in voice chat, running bits that were actually funny. I listened, and at some point the room stopped feeling so empty. Later we added each other.

We went from talking about the game to talking about our days, and from our days to talking half the night. And then, later still. He said, Laney, let's meet up. Except.

It seemed like life had another joke lined up for me. The guy I met online fell for my best friend at first sight.

That first time we met in person, I got up early and spent three hours on a full face of makeup.

It was my first time meeting someone from the internet and I was a little scared, so I brought my best friend along.

Sienna pulled on a Tshirt, threw her hair up in a messy bun, and walked out the door with nothing on her face. Even like that, Jonah turned red looking at her.

I spent that whole lunch on pins and needles. I don't know whether Jonah did it on purpose, but he stopped being the person who talked easily about anything online.

His voice flattened out. Halfway through the meal, he spoke up. "I might not be able to do the aquarium this afternoon." "My family just called, something came up.

Next time, is that okay?" My hand stopped with the fork halfway up. Except the truth was, Jonah hadn't taken a single call the entire time. I nodded. The bitterness came up anyway.

The one time I finally tried to put myself out there with a guy, and I got cut for not being pretty enough. Thinking about it, I sighed. I washed up fast.

I thought I'd fall asleep quickly. I didn't. Downstairs was loud. Beck seemed to be throwing a party. Beck's room was right next to mine.

The bass came through the wall, glasses clinking, laughter on top of it. Somebody yelled, "Beck, one more round!" I turned over a few times and still couldn't sleep.

Finally I'd had enough, and I knocked on Beck's door. It took a long time before it opened.

His eyes settled on me, heavy and dark. "You need something?" I was about to answer when Beck sighed. "You've got a boyfriend." "And you still show up dressed like that, knocking on my door in the middle of the night." His eyes came up, halflidded, and the corner of his mouth lifted into something that was barely a smile.

Chapter 3 There was mockery threaded through his voice. "You like me that much?" I blanked. "What…" Beck didn't say anything, so I followed his eyes down.

That was when I realized I'd gotten up too fast and left several buttons of my pajama top undone. Below my collarbone, a pale strip of skin showing. My head filled with white noise.

My fingers scrambled for the collar. They were shaking too hard and the buttons were too slick, and now, of course, they wouldn't go through.

I got flustered and tried to explain. "I'm not—" Beck leaned against the doorframe. He didn't rush me.

He just watched, with the faintest curve at his mouth, like he was sitting through a very bad performance. "Not what?" His voice was quiet. "Not doing it on purpose?" "Or not into me?" I nodded, my eyes starting to sting. "I only came over to ask if you guys could keep it down while you play." "I'm a bad sleeper.

I've been lying there all night…" Beck gave a short "Mm." "Got it." That threw me for a second. Since when was Beck this easy about anything?

The next second he leaned forward, and the space between us closed. I could smell mint on him and the faint edge of liquor.

I took a step back without thinking. "Delaney." He pitched his voice low. "I'd really love to take a picture of you exactly like this…" "And send it to that guy you met online." I bit down on my lower lip. "You're disgusting, saying something like that to me!" "I did like you." I paused. "But right now, all you make me think is that the girl I used to be had absolutely terrible taste." Beck stiffened.

The smile fell off his face. I said it and then I turned and ran back to my room.

After I locked the door behind me, I threw myself on the bed and put my face in the pillow, and the tears finally came.

I dug out my phone and called my mother. "Mom…" My voice cracked on the first word. "I don't want to stay at Beck's anymore." "How long until you can get a place?

How long until I can leave?" There was a silence on the other end.

When she spoke, she sounded tired. "Laney, can you hold on a little longer?" "Your dad's debt isn't paid off yet, and my paycheck hasn't come through." "The Lowes have been so good to us, letting you stay with them on weekends and every break, a whole year now…" "Just hang in there.

Next month. Next month I'll come get you, I promise." I clamped my hand over my mouth so she wouldn't hear me crying.

It was a while before I could get out a thick "Mmhm." I don't know how long it was. At some point the noise on Beck's side stopped, and his friends drove off.

The world went quiet, and there was nothing left but the sound of my own breathing. The next morning I came downstairs with my eyes swollen up like walnuts.

Beck was already at the table eating breakfast. He looked up. His eyes stopped on mine for a beat. He didn't say anything.

I sat down across from him without a word and took a bite of my sandwich. Then I heard him clear his throat across the table. "About last night. I'm sorry." That stopped me cold.

His voice was a little rough, and a little unnatural. "I just felt like, I haven't dated anyone, and you're younger than me. Why should you get to date first?" …So immature.

I didn't want to deal with him.

I was still eating when my phone chimed. [Laney, why did you delete me?] Chapter 4 [I'm not agreeing to break up.] Jonah's texts kept coming, one after another, until my palm went numb from the buzzing. [Laney, why did you delete me?] [I'm not agreeing to break up.] [What are you mad about?

Or did you misunderstand something?] "You can't even eat without looking at your phone." There was a sharp clack from across the table.

Beck set his fork down on the rim of his plate. He didn't look happy.

His eyes dropped to my screen, then moved away. "Must be a lot of messages you can't keep up with." I didn't look up.

I just reached over and added Jonah's number to my block list too. I had no idea what I'd done to set Beck off this time.

He dropped his fork on the plate before he'd finished and left the table. No class on the weekend. I'd taken a parttime job at a coffee shop near campus.

I'd just finished bagging an order when my phone buzzed in my pocket.

It was Sienna. [Laney, I have to tell you something…] [I went over to the other school for a debate tournament today and I ran into Jonah.] [He asked me why you deleted him.

What happened? Did you two fight?] For a second I didn't have it in me to answer. Before I could, she sent over a screenshot. I opened it and my finger stopped.

The timestamp said yesterday. In her thread with Jonah, the two of them were working out whether to invite me along to that new horror movie. By then I had already deleted him.

He'd just been too busy talking to her to notice. I turned my phone face down on the counter. My hands were a little unsteady.

A coworker next to me asked, "Laney, you okay?" I shook my head, pulled my mouth into something bitter, and started the next coffee. I dragged myself home.

I was about to get in the shower when my screen lit up. This time it was my mother. [Laney, I found us a place!] [Two bedrooms in an old building in South Philly. Rent's cheap.

It's small but it's clean.] [I sent you the address. Start packing. I'm taking tomorrow off to come get you.] I stared at that message for a long time.

Then I shot straight up off the couch. Beck, Jonah, all of it went out of my head. I grinned at the screen like an idiot for two solid seconds.

Then I remembered Beck was right next door and clapped a hand over my mouth, holding it in until my shoulders shook. I was finally getting out of here!

At lunch I went downstairs humming and ladled soup for myself.

Beck was sitting across from me, and he caught it immediately. "Tch." "Something good happen?" I turned my head. "Not telling you." He raised an eyebrow, huffed, and let it go.

His eyes stayed on my face a second longer, like he wanted to say something, but in the end he just looked down and speared a bite of food.

That afternoon Beck took a call and went out. A friend had something going, so he wouldn't be back for dinner.

I nodded and said fine. "Don't miss me too much." He reached over to mess up my hair and I ducked away. His face froze. I couldn't have cared less.

I ran back to my room and hauled out my suitcase. By the time I'd packed everything it was almost evening. Before I moved out, I ought to leave him something.

I thought about it for a long time, and in the end I went to the kitchen and baked a tray of cookies. Beck had a sweet tooth.

Every time I baked anything he'd swipe two off the plate and then insist they were barely edible. The cookies had just come out of the oven when Beck got home.

He dropped his keys on the side table and walked into the living room, and the first thing he saw was me tying a ribbon on a gift bag. "For me?" Chapter 5