I Catfished My Ex With a Burner Account

[You think my new boyfriend and I look good together too, right?] I sent that to my exboyfriend, Camden Rooke, from a burner account.

What he didn't know was that the warm, gracious girl on that account, the girl he believed his family had picked out for him to marry, was me. The girl in the photo was me too.

A month earlier, still unable to let him go after the breakup, I had quietly built myself a new persona and started dating him online.

Then we met again at the barbecue place, and he spent the whole time bragging that real love had finally come along for him. Chapter 1 Camden Rooke and I broke up over grad school.

He wanted me to take the offer at his school. I wouldn't do it. The fight got uglier and uglier, and in the heat of it one of us said the word breakup.

I regretted it that same night. I just wasn't willing to be the one who caved first. So we both dug in and waited for the other one to move.

We waited and waited, and we waited right up until the semester started. Until he went to New York and I went to Boston. Neither of us ever brought up getting back together.

The burner account started at a boba place on my new campus.

I overheard the girl at the next table complaining to her friend. "My mom pushed that Camden Rooke guy's contact at me again. I'm so sick of it.

Who still marries their kids off for business in this century? "For the longest time his side was the one saying no, so my mom let it drop, and I finally got to date my boyfriend in secret. "Now something's changed and she's back at it.

And I can't exactly fight my mom on it, or she'll cut off my card." Her friend had a fix ready. "What's there to stress about? Just hire someone off a gig app to be you in the chat.

Stall him. Stall long enough and maybe his side backs out again." I was deep in the worst stretch of the breakup right then. Every time Camden crossed my mind I spiraled.

I could not get over him. And he had blocked me, so I couldn't even see his posts. I figured even just talking to him would be something.

Before my brain caught up with my mouth, I was standing at their table. "You don't need a gig app. Use me.

We're at the same school, so it's easy to coordinate." And that was how I ended up on a burner account, dating Camden online.

To keep him from recognizing me, I racked my brain building the persona.

Back when we were together, Camden was always telling me I was clingy and dramatic, that I was petty and had a temper.

So on the burner I played it gracious and poised, the perfect, warm rich girl. Sure enough, he didn't recognize me. He was all polished manners. [Your mother mentioned me, I assume.

I hear you're doing grad school in Boston. I'm in New York, so let's just talk online for now. We can start as friends.] Friends?

Wasn't this whole thing pointed straight at a wedding? Something in my chest went sour, but I held the persona and kept my reply demure. [Sounds good.] So we texted on and off.

Then one day he posted a photo, and the bottom right corner happened to catch his bag. I have sharp eyes. I saw the little plush charm hanging off the zipper.

When we were chatting, I couldn't help bringing it up. [That charm on your bag is so cute. Doesn't really seem like a guy's style.

Somebody must have given it to you.] Camden took a while to answer. [Yeah.] Yeah? What was that supposed to mean? I pushed a little further.

Chapter 2 [Don't tell me it was a girlfriend. My mom mentioned you'd dated someone before.

Someone from your undergrad, I think?] [Exgirlfriend.] Camden corrected me, and this time he answered fast. [Cute? I'd call it average. Her taste was always terrible.

She was constantly giving me ugly junk like that, and she had a temper, and she'd make me hang it on my bag every single day.] [If I didn't, she'd get mad.

She's a neat freak too, so every night when I got home I had to give the ugly thing a bath and blowdry it. I don't wash my own clothes that often. It was exhausting.] Huh.

Polished manners for the rich girl. But get him started on me and he'd type out a whole essay, keyboard practically throwing sparks, every line of it a complaint.

I couldn't stop myself from firing back. [If you think it's ugly, just throw it out. She's your ex. No reason to keep it on your backpack.] I refreshed his feed.

The photo was already gone. A little while later Camden sent a picture of a trash can. [Forgot it was there. It's gone now.] [Good call.

She's just an ex.] In the photo the little bear lay alone at the bottom of the can, its black bean eyes meeting mine through the screen.

I pressed the screen dark, lay back on my bed, and stared up at the ceiling. I couldn't have said what I was feeling. After a long moment I heard myself mutter. "It isn't ugly.

It's cute. "Camden, you're the one with terrible taste." Grad school was underway. Classes, meetings with my advisor, lab hours. I was busy.

The rich girl's name was Rowan Kessler, and as it turned out she was in my program, just not my section.

After class she came to find me and asked how the chatting was going, whether he'd caught on. I thought about it and told her it was fine.

When we were dating, Camden used to say I was clingy, that I wanted to eat every single meal with him. I had learned my lesson. This time I built the exact opposite persona.

Reserved. Which meant I didn't message all that often, which meant less risk of exposure. Rowan looked good that day.

She pressed a bracelet into my hand and gave me a smiling little wink. "Thanks for putting up with this. You have seriously saved me. "I'm off to meet my boyfriend.

Keep the bracelet, it's a thank you gift." I looked it up online. The thing was expensive. It would work perfectly for maintaining the persona, so I took a photo and posted it.

An hour later Camden liked it. Then he commented. [That's from that niche label, isn't it. Almost nobody knows about them.

I didn't think anyone else would recognize it.] [That bracelet is the best piece in their new line, in my opinion.

You have great taste.] I stared at the words great taste and ground my teeth. Right. Expensive means great taste. The cheap little bear I gave him means terrible taste. Rich people.

I hate all of you. Back at our place, one of my roommates saw my face and tried to talk me down. "What's wrong? You look furious. "Whatever it is, don't turn it inward.

The second you start eating yourself alive, you've already lost. "Somebody made you miserable? Go straight at them. Don't sit there being angry.

Go wreck them." I sat with that for a moment and decided she was right. Better to get my things back than to let him throw them in the trash.

Several of them I'd only been able to afford by working shifts and going without.

So I picked up my phone and pulled up the profile of one of Camden's friends. [Tell Camden to give me back everything I ever gave him.] He sent back a single question mark. [We blocked each other, so I can't reach him.

You pass it along.] Chapter 3 [What, another fight? And you two are still pulling the whole blocking routine? You're both so unbelievably childish.] [It wasn't a fight.

We broke up.] He didn't believe me. He sent a popcorn gif. [Come on, tell me how it happened.

Let your friendly neighborhood love doctor patch you two back up.] I didn't have the energy for him. [We really did break up. We're not getting back together.

Are you helping me or not, because I'll find someone else.] [Don't, don't, I was kidding.

Hang on.] A little while later he came back. [Camden wants to know if you're going home for fall break. He'll hand them over in person.] I thought it over.

We'd dated for a few years, and I'd given him a lot of things. In person would save me the shipping, at least. [Fine.

I'll send you a time and place and you can pass it along.] The spot I picked was the barbecue place near our undergrad campus. Camden and I had both gone to school back home.

The place had been there more than a decade, and the students in the neighborhood loved it.

I took the window seat we always used to sit in and looked around at everything I knew by heart. For a second I lost track of where I was. I have this quirk.

When I eat grilled eggplant, I want it loaded with garlic, but I don't want to eat the garlic itself.

Camden used to say I was high maintenance, and then he'd pick every last piece off for me anyway, one at a time. Meticulous about it.

More focused than he ever looked working in the lab. Sometimes, when someone else was treating, I'd be too embarrassed to make a fuss about my order.

But Camden would always tell the kitchen exactly what I needed. "Hold the scallions on hers.

Let her soup simmer a little longer." The truth is, there were a lot of good memories in those years too. Camden arrived right on the minute, carrying a gift bag.

He looked at me for a while before he sat down. "You order already?" "Yeah.

Get more if you want something." "I'm fine." I noticed the gift bag was all he had with him, and I couldn't help myself. "Where is it?

You said you'd give me back the things I gave you. Why didn't you bring them?" "I forgot?" "What? How could you forget? Isn't the whole point of meeting to hand the stuff back?

You can forget even that? You did it on purpose." Camden looked genuinely annoyed. "Why am I not allowed to forget? You forgot my birthday once.

You'd rather run rehearsals with the guy a year ahead of you than come see me." "I explained that. The theater competition got moved up, so they added a rehearsal last minute.

And I didn't forget. I gave you a present, didn't I?" "That ugly scarf? That's a present?

You only bought it because I said something, and you ran out to the mall at the last minute and grabbed whatever was there!" One thing led to another and we were dragging up everything, and by the end my temper was up again.

I said things I didn't pick carefully. "If you think it's so ugly, give it back. Plenty of people would want it. And the charm I gave you, and the sweater, hand all of it over.

I'll give them to somebody else." It wasn't lastminute. My scholarship money hadn't come through yet.

I'd worked shifts for a long time to scrape together enough, and then I went to the mall and bought it. Camden wasn't like me. He grew up comfortable.

Cheap things made his skin break out. Camden set down his fork and let out a cold little laugh. "Somebody else?

How long has it even been, and you're already seeing someone?" He looked down at the food on the table, and his voice went snide. "You eat like this every day. You eat like a pig.

Who besides me is ever going to date you? They'd have to be blind." I wasn't about to sit there and take it. "You're the one nobody wants.

You've got a mean mouth and a mean streak, and any girl who meets you will run within two days. I put up with it for years.

I've had enough of you." Camden slammed his hand down on the table. He opened the gift bag and pulled up his messages.

Chapter 4 "Sorry to disappoint you, but real love actually did come along for me.

Breaking up with you was the best thing that ever happened. "My new girlfriend is beautiful and kind. Warm, gracious.

Compared to you it's night and day. "This is the bag I bought her.

A lot better than anything I ever got from you. "All you ever gave me was cheap ugly junk, and you've got the nerve to ask for it back.

Throwing it out with the trash felt like too much effort." So that was what my gifts had always been to him. No wonder he was always reluctant.

No wonder I had to ask several times before he'd take one out of the house. All that time I'd thought it was just a thing couples did, that he liked making me coax him.

I lifted my head. I wasn't going to let him see me lose. "Then throw them out. I threw out everything you gave me a long time ago anyway. "This whole meeting was pointless.

Let's never do it again." Camden's face went dark. He stared at me, teeth clenched. "Threw them out? Good. And fine, we won't.

You think I wanted to see you? "My new girlfriend and I are doing great.

So what kind of piece of trash are you going to end up with now that you've left me?" The next day I went straight back to Boston