I Helped My Crush Fall for Someone Else

I handed the boy I'd loved for five years straight to another girl. He paid me to do it. Ten thousand dollars, wired the minute it worked, with one word attached. Bye.

I sent the money back. It didn't change anything. By then it was done. It started because I was broke. I took a job on one of those anonymous listening apps.

You get paired with a stranger. They talk, you listen, they pay by the hour. Mine was a rich kid. Every night I sat with him while he told me about a girl. All of it.

Every last thing he thought about her. Then one day he sent me her picture. Him: [Isn't she pretty?] I looked at it longer than I should have. I knew her.

The girl everybody at Westbrook knew. Vivienne. I didn't let myself think about it. I kept coaching him. Until today. Him: [You're unbelievable.

Guess it takes a girl to figure out a girl.] Him: [She said yes!] Him: [I'm deleting my account now. Bye.] Ten thousand dollars came in under the last message.

I typed one word back. Congrats. Then I hit return on the money. Ten thousand dollars. Sending it back takes one tap. I meant the congratulations. I was happy for him.

I just didn't want his money. The next night, after clubs let out. I was cutting through the hallway when I saw Vivienne kissing someone. My breath stopped. I knew that back.

I'd know it anywhere. Theodore. The boy I'd been in love with for five years. Chapter 1 So the person I'd been talking to on my phone all that time. It was Theodore.

I couldn't decide whether to laugh at how small the world was, or at how stupid I'd been. I met Theodore in middle school. That's not right. I met him. He never met me.

His classroom was at the east end. Mine was at the west. A whole hallway between us. Ten minutes between periods.

I'd drag my best friend all the way from the east end to the west just to use the bathroom. So I could pass his door and get one more look.

I still wore my hair in a high ponytail back then. My backpack bounced against my back when I ran.

In summer, when the wind lifted it, the small red birthmark on the back of my neck showed. He never once looked up. He was already taller than the rest of them that year.

He'd lean on the railing with his hoodie sleeves shoved to his elbows, head tipped a little to one side when he talked. "What are you always staring at over there?" my best friend asked.

I smiled. "The view." When it was time to pick a high school, I found out where he was going and put down the same one. I knew he wouldn't touch plain milk.

He liked the blueberry yogurt drinks. Theodore never listened in class. His grades stayed perfect anyway. He drew on his scratch paper instead.

I knew he'd take a sip of water before he sat down after basketball. He never missed the trash can with a water bottle. Not once. I watched him every single day.

And I never once caught on that there was someone he liked. Now there was nothing I could do but stand there and watch him kiss Vivienne. It was a careful kiss.

Barely anything at all. He was red to the tips of his ears. Honest. Sweet. Perfect. Something small and sharp opened up in my chest. I took half a step back.

The shadow by the stairwell swallowed me. So that's what he looks like when he's shy. Five years of watching him. I had never seen that. My eyes stung. Nothing came out.

Theodore finally let her go. He looked down. His fingers slid between hers, one by one, until they locked.

Vivienne pressed her lips together, ears pink. "Theo, you—" He glanced at her, and then he was smiling too. "Relax. It's dark. Nobody can see." "Okay." Right then I hated something.

My eyesight. It was too good. I saw all of it. That smile of his was small. Barely there. And it was nothing like the polite one he handed everybody else.

I let out a breath and started to move.

Then a voice behind me. "June, why are you just standing in the stairwell?" "What are you looking at?" I spun around so fast the wall blurred. It was the girl who sat next to me.

I could breathe again. "Shh—" Too late. Her eyes went past my shoulder, straight to the two people by the stairs. Then back. To my face.

Whatever I'd kept hidden for five years was sitting right there for her to read. Chapter 2 "No way. Theodore and—and the itgirl from the other hall?

Vivienne?" My fingers curled against the seam of my jeans. I said, "Mm." "I did not see that coming.

They're actually together." She dropped her voice and leaned in. "Honestly, good for them. Pretty girl, hot guy.

Easy on the eyes for the rest of us." I nodded and said nothing. "I just never pictured Theodore going for the flashy type." "And his family's loaded and he's not stingy about it.

Dating him has to be incredible." "Stop, I'm making myself jealous. She landed the guy every girl in this school wants…" I still hadn't answered.

She noticed I was staring, and it surprised her. "June. Why are you still watching them?" She leaned in closer, and her voice turned into pure gossip. "Wait.

Do you—do you like Theodore? Are you going through a breakup right now?" Something in my chest stalled. I turned so fast it hurt.

My voice came out half a note too loud. "What are you even talking about? I don't like him." Five years, and that was the first time I'd said it out loud. Fast. Loud.

Loud enough that even I heard it. "Okay, okay. I'm messing with you." She waved it off, laughing. "I know you. Rulefollower. All you think about is school." "Come on.

Stop looking at them." "Vivienne's got a ride waiting. We stand here any longer, we miss the last bus." She pulled me toward the stairs by the arm.

The bus was the part that finally moved my feet. I turned with her. One last look. At the edge of my vision, Theodore was bending down to pick something up for Vivienne.

The motion light in the stairwell clicked off. In the dark. I finally blinked out the tear that had been sitting there the whole time.

Theodore and Vivienne weren't trying to hide it from anybody. They were both eighteen. One of them was ranked first in our class. The other was fifth.

His family had donated a building to Westbrook the year before. There wasn't a teacher in that building looking for a problem.

I made myself stop watching them, even though his seat was two rows up and over from mine. Vivienne came by between classes all the time. "I brought an extra milk today.

It's yours." "An extra. Sure." Vivienne went pink and glared at him. "You are so annoying." His eyes crinkled. He nodded. Agreed with her on the spot. "Mmhm.

I'm annoying." Theodore didn't like milk. He took it anyway. I put my head down and started my geometry. I couldn't get through a single line.

Clubs let out and I went home and got my phone out. The listening app was still on my screen. I hadn't deleted it. I opened it without thinking, caught myself, and went to back out.

My eyes locked. Theodore's icon was still lit. Wait. Hadn't he deleted his account? Reflex, mostly. Something small in me lifted. Then I opened the messages.

Him: [I thought about it. I'm keeping the account. What if I need you again?] Him: [Why won't you take the money?] Him: [Don't be weird about it. We've known each other forever.

You've been a real friend to me.] And one from a few minutes ago: Him: [You haven't been on in days.] Him: [Pip, you there? Kind of an emergency. I need you.] Pip is my username.

I looked at those messages. And my brain went and did it anyway. Put his face on every line. Made him say all of it out loud, to me, standing right there. I shook it off.

My thumb hovered over the box. The person on that screen had kissed another girl two hours ago. And right now he was waiting on me to answer. Chapter 3 Get it together.

Theodore has a girlfriend. Time to let it go. I put my phone face down under my pillow. Rolled over. Closed my eyes. Sleep never came. The phone buzzed again.

I held out a long time. Then I opened his messages anyway. Him: [Read and no reply?

Cold.] Him: [You're brutal, Pip.] Him: […And just like that I lose the best wingwoman I ever had.] My heart was going hard. I pulled in a breath.

Me: [Was busy.] Me: [What happened?] He answered before I set the phone down. Him: [Something really good happened today. I'll tell you another time.] Then a pause.

Him: [Okay so.] Him: [Her birthday's next week. What do you get a girl?] Him: [I want it to be a surprise.] I looked at the screen. Everything in me went heavy.

Him: [Sorry, Pip, I know you're busy. I just don't have any girl friends I'm actually close to. And I've never dated anyone. No experience.] I stared at the screen.

Typed a few words. Deleted them. In the end I sent one line. Me: [Get her something she already likes.] Him: [Right. She's been looking at lipstick lately.

Any recommendations?] Then he sent a wall of photos. I knew those brands. They were expensive. The cheapest one in the pile was more than I spent on food in a month.

I checked the price before I let myself pick up a yogurt drink at the school store. I pressed my lips together. Then I sent one more line. Me: [I don't really know this stuff.

Try searching Instagram.] I sent it. Then I muted the phone and shoved it under my pillow. That time it stayed there. Lunch. The school store next to the cafeteria.

I walked to the cooler. One blueberry yogurt drink left. I never cared about that flavor.

I started drinking it because he did, and then somewhere along the way I actually started liking it. I reached for it, and another hand came in beside mine. Long fingers.

Clean nails. A little dark mole at the base of his thumb. My heart slammed once. Theodore. I looked up too fast and ran straight into those dark eyes.

Half a second of nothing. "Go ahead," he said.

My voice came out rough. "You got there first." "I don't really want it that bad." I smiled and pulled my hand back. "It's yours." It was the only thing I'd wanted all day.

Theodore looked at me for a second. Then he stopped arguing and picked it up.

He gave me a small smile. "Thanks." "It's nothing." He got two steps toward the door and turned around. "Hey.

You sit two rows back and over from me, right?" He thought about it. "What's your name again…" I looked at him. I know he won't drink plain milk. Only the blueberry kind.

I know he takes a sip of water before he sits down after basketball. I know he never misses the trash can with a bottle. Not once. Five years I watched him.

And he has to think about what my name is. "June." "June." He gave the bottle a little shake, eyes crinkling. "Thanks." I shook my head. He didn't say anything else. He left.

I stood there and watched his back until it was gone through the doorway. Things went quiet again after that. Another round of midterms came and went.

Between classes, our counselor called me into her office. "June, I need you to find something out for me." She set down her red pen and pushed her glasses up. "Theodore hasn't been himself lately.

His English dropped more than ten spots on the weekly quiz." "Go ask him if something's going on with Vivienne from the other hall." She saw me freeze and explained. "You're in his class, and you're the English TA.

It's easy for you." I looked at the floor. The office was very quiet.

The red pen had left a dent in the paper. "I'm sorry." "Theodore and I aren't close." Chapter 4 "You should ask somebody else in the class." She looked at me.

She seemed a little surprised that I'd said no, but she let it go. "All right. I'll ask around." I nodded and walked out. Not close.

Saying those two words out loud almost made me laugh. She wasn't wrong. Not close. I could count every sentence he'd ever said to my face on two hands.

But every single thing he'd typed to me on that phone, I could recite. I got home, washed up, and my phone buzzed. I picked it up. Theodore.

Him: [Pip, you around?] I typed one word. Yeah.

Him: [We got into it again.] Him: [Honestly, sometimes I wonder if she's really the one I've been looking for.] Him: […] Him: [You're the only person I can just say things to.

Sorry, Pip. I'm always dumping on you.] I stared at the screen. I had no idea what he meant by the one he'd been looking for. I didn't ask. Didn't answer at all, either.

I flipped the phone over and went back to my math. The pen stopped next to the word Solve and wouldn't move. Solve what. Some things don't come apart.

That night I turned over and over. Sleep never came. Then I sat straight up in bed. Opened his contact. Tapped Remove Friend.

Then I went into settings and put in a request to delete my account. A little box popped up asking me to stay. I didn't tap confirm.

For a long stretch after that, I stopped keeping track of Theodore and Vivienne. All I knew was that they'd stopped fighting. And Theodore was back to first in our class.

The one thing worth celebrating. Once I stopped paying attention to him, my own rank went up. Between classes.

The girl who sat next to me leaned over. "June, can I borrow your phone to look up a problem?

I'm out of data." I handed it to her. "Is the passcode your birthday?" She was already typing. "No. 0827." "Got it…" "Huh. Why does that date feel familiar?

Have I heard it somewhere?" I didn't say anything. It was Theodore's birthday. I'd been using his birthday as my passcode the whole time. I'd been too busy lately.

I forgot to change it. She stopped moving. I followed where she was looking. A notification from the listening app had popped up on the screen. [Hi Pip.

It's been three years since you found Sprout.

Are you really leaving us?] "Oh my God, June, your username is Pip too?" The girl in front of me turned around, surprised. "Theodore was asking the class group chat yesterday if anybody knew someone named Pip.

Said it's an online friend he'd been talking to for a long time, and she just stopped answering him and deleted her account." "He wanted to know if something happened to her—" She always said whatever came into her head.

She only noticed Theodore sitting a few seats away after the words were out. My scalp went cold. The blood left my face. I opened my mouth and nothing came. The next second.

Two rows up and over, Theodore turned his head. He was looking at me. But he was talking to the girl next to me. His voice was very calm.

A little rough. "What did you just say?" "Who's Pip?" The world went quiet