I REHOMED MY SNAKE HUSBAND

[this throwaway sister is handing the ML over to get bred, with her own two hands, and later he unalives her, brutally] The live comments came scrolling across my eyes just as I was about to hand my brother's little black snake to the guy who'd come for a breeding loan.

The snake in the tub was still writhing around, delighted.

It thought I was about to summon it to the royal bedchamber. [but after the ML gets taken away he doesn't sleep a wink all night] [when they bring him back he's completely wrung out] [and in a few days when he shifts into a human, the first two he unalives are this throwaway brother and sister] My hand jerked.

I almost lost my grip on the tub. Chapter 1 After graduation I moved in with my brother to save money.

He'd been into reptiles since he was a kid, but our parents never let him keep any. So the minute he had a job of his own, he went straight into revengepet mode.

He set up a whole snake room. Close to ten snakes in there, all sizes, all kinds. When work sent him out of town, he begged me to look after the room for him.

Never mind that I'd been living with him rentfree all this time, enjoying his air conditioning without once chipping in for the electric bill. The thing is, snakes put me off.

Coldblooded animals in general. My brother swore up and down. "Relax, sis, none of them are venomous, they're all mellow, they're not going to bite you for no reason.

And even if one did go after you, it's a tiny bit of pain, like a mosquito bite.

You'd be fine." I left him on read. "I'll take you out for a big dinner when I get back." Slightly tempting. Still didn't answer. "Man. Kids grow up and stop loving their family.

Somebody used to follow me everywhere when she was little. She used to beg me to carry her—" "Stop. Stop.

Stop." To keep any more of my embarrassing history from coming up, I agreed to look in on them once in a while. He sent me a list of instructions.

Check the temperature and humidity every day, change the water now and then, add food. The first time I went into the snake room I was a little tense.

Most of the time the snakes were just resting and the room was dead quiet. Even when I changed their water they went on sleeping, lazy, shifting a little once in a while.

Once I got used to it, I could even pick one up and handle it for a bit now and then. Except for that black kingsnake.

Every time I walked into the snake room, its head would come up and it would stare straight at me. It never tried anything. But something about it felt off, and I couldn't say why.

Once, while I was changing its water, the little black snake snuck up and rubbed against the back of my hand, trying to hook itself around my wrist.

My hand jerked and I flung it off to the side. It froze for a second, then coiled itself into one black turd of a snake, alone in the corner, and went still.

That night I had a dream. In the dream, a little snake, black from end to end, came sliding up from the foot of my bed. Its cold body against my skin. It went up from my toes.

Slipped under the hem of my nightgown. I reached down to pull it off, and it hooked the tip of its tail around my finger and wound itself tighter.

The body was cool and smooth, and honestly it felt good, and I couldn't help running my hand over it a couple more times.

It took that as an invitation and kept going, and finally buried its head in the hollow of my throat, satisfied. … The next morning, brushing my teeth, I found a thin line of blood on my lip.

I thought about the dream and went straight to check the tub.

The little black snake was inside, coiled up quietly, the tip of its tail twitching now and then, looking sated and thoroughly at ease. I let out a breath.

So it had been in there the whole time. Chapter 2 Last night was only a dream. Although, thinking it over, that wasn't the first dream like that I'd had.

I called my brother. "That black kingsnake of yours can tell people apart, I think. It doesn't like it when I change out its stuff." "That shouldn't be possible.

Snakes have next to no brains, they can't tell one owner from another.

To him you're a warm branch that tops up the water and drops in food, that's all." "Besides, even if it did know you, there's no bad blood between you. Why would it attack you?

Relax." I figured he had a point. But the dream had been much too real. So after that, the moment I finished the maintenance I got out of there.

I wasn't spending one extra second in front of those tubs. I was home playing a game over the weekend when my brother called. "Somebody's coming by to borrow a male for breeding.

Get him out for me, would you?" I was in the middle of a tense team fight, so I mumbled something back and hung up without a single thought going through my head.

Then the guy actually showed up, and I stood in the snake room and realized my brother had never said which one. I called him. It rang and rang.

The guy who'd come for the breeding loan just said he wanted the bestlooking male. I have no idea what makes a snake goodlooking. I looked around helplessly.

The other snakes were all sleeping, lazy. Only the little black snake had come out of its hide, tongue flicking, head up, staring straight at me, tail swishing back and forth.

It looked like it had energy to burn. If the point was breeding, an energetic one had to be the safe pick. I remembered a video I'd scrolled past on how to tell males from females.

I picked the little black snake up. It squirmed in my hands. I tapped it lightly on the head. "Don't be scared.

Let me see whether you're a boy or a girl." I closed one hand just in front of its vent, grabbed the tip of its tail with the other, and pushed and squeezed forward, gently.

The snake twisted itself into a pretzel in my hands. A little pressure and they popped right out. Correct number. Correct color. Good. Meets requirements.

I moved the little black snake into a travel tub, careful about it. It was unexpectedly cooperative. It went in on its own.

I was about to hand it over when comments came drifting across my eyes: [here we go, this is the day. after they take the ML away he gets forced to breed seven times in a row with no break, and when they bring him back he's wrecked] [the ML thought he was being summoned to the royal bedchamber, that's why he was squirming so hard, and then it turns out he's dealing with a madam] [this throwaway brother and sister are treating the ML like a stud, LMAO] [so when he shifts in a few days, the first two he unalives are those two] [especially this throwaway sister, she's the one who handed him over with her own hands. the ML is vicious, and he ends up unaliving her so brutally. yikes] My hand jerked — tub, little black snake, and all.

I pulled my arm back in.

I called my brother. "Sugarbear, can we not send the snake out to breed?" My brother's yell came through the phone. "No way, I already promised the guy, it's fifty bucks a session!

And don't grab the wrong one, the bestlooking one is that black snake." In my brother's entire snake room, there was exactly one black snake. It was in my hands right now.

Which meant this was the ML from the comments! Picturing my brother and me both dead, I lost it too. "I'm not agreeing to this.

Not this snake!" My yelling stunned him into silence for a few seconds. When he spoke again, he sounded puzzled. Chapter 3 "You're the one who's always complaining about my snakes.

So why are you acting so weird this time?" For a second I had nothing to say. I still hadn't worked out how to explain it.

The guy was done waiting. "Just give him here, I've got things to do." He reached over to take the tub out of my hands without asking.

Panicking, I clutched the tub against my chest and yelled: "You can't!

Because I really like this snake and I can't stand anyone else touching it!" My brother can be singleminded about things, but he does spoil me.

Anything I said I liked, he'd complain about and then quietly buy for me. So he apologized, and he refunded the deposit he'd taken from the guy who came for the breeding loan.

The guy left swearing. I shut the door. The little black snake in the tub and I stared at each other. It looked up at me, blank, and flicked its tongue.

Up close, those two little black bean eyes were kind of cute.

Comments drifted past: [huh? what's up with this throwaway, isn't she scared of the ML] [she's faking. she's probably planning to dump him somewhere on the sly, and if she dumps the ML he pays her back even harder] [too bad regretting it now won't help her lol, last time she flipped his thermostat from cooling to heating and almost cooked him] [and one time she forgot to give him extra humidity while he was shedding and he almost got a stuck shed] [doesn't matter, the ML's about to shift into a human, and then he settles every account at once] [is the ML really that vicious?] [@above he's a coldblooded shifter, and he's unbelievably strong. kindness for kindness, an eye for an eye] I was terrified.

What exactly had my brother been keeping in our apartment? Thinking about that kindnessforkindness line, I figured better late than never and put the snake back.

Afraid I'd mess something up in its care again, I moved the little black snake's tub into my bedroom so I could keep an eye on it.

The little black snake seemed worked up, pushing at the lid with its head over and over. I got it. He wanted out.

I crouched down in front of the tub and put my two palms together. "I'm very sorry about the things I did to hurt you before.

That was carelessness, it was absolutely not because I don't like you, so please don't take it to heart." "Also, I wasn't trying to squeeze you earlier.

And, um, small is cute too." "When you come out, whatever you do, don't take revenge on me." I rattled all of that off.

I opened the lid, and the little black snake hooked his tail around my pinky and wound his way up my wrist, bit by bit. He rubbed at my palm.

Finally he draped his head over the web of my thumb, flicking his tongue, happy. I could tell. He'd decided I was a humanshaped tree trunk. For my life and my brother's.

I could take it. After three days of carefully looking after the little black snake, I got sick. I didn't tell my brother. I didn't want him worrying out of town.

Fever of 102, and I lay in bed with my head full of glue.

I looked across the room at the little black snake in his tub. "I can't take care of you today." "Now I'm suffering because of you too.

Let's call it even." A knock at the door — the delivery driver. I opened it and took the bag. Fever reducer, and an order of plain chicken soup. Had I bought myself all this?

I couldn't remember. I took the medicine and lay back down. No strength anywhere, half asleep, half awake. Somewhere in the fog, something cool settled on my forehead.

It felt good. [why does it feel like the ML actually likes being on this throwaway] Chapter 4 [it's not that he likes her, he's siphoning her life force. the closer the contact the more he gets, and that way he can shift sooner and go see the FL] [the dumb throwaway still hasn't figured it out. her constitution is special though, he can take as much as he wants and it won't affect her at all] When I felt a little better, I opened my eyes.

Comments drifted past. [honestly the ML can't hold back anymore, he's slipped out the window at night a bunch of times to go see the FL. i love them so much] [the FL lives one floor down from the throwaway. our boy's smart, makes visiting his wife super convenient] Downstairs?

But the person who lives downstairs from me is an eightyyearold woman. Last time I ran into her on the stairs I carried two big bags of groceries up for her.

She even gave me two eggs for it. Then again. Who says an eightyyearold woman can't be the FL? Two wolves seemed to appear in my head.

One said: Don't overthink it, it is what it is, go to sleep. The other said: Works for me. So I slept, hard. For whatever reason, the fever left as fast as it came.

I woke up feeling good all over. For the next week, outside of eating and sleeping, the little black snake basically had to be draped on me.

My brother got back from his trip and passed my door. He saw it and was startled. "Is that snake stupid?

How is it handling human body heat?" I put the sleeping little black snake back in his tub.

I pulled my brother into the bathroom, quietly, locked the door, and told him under my breath: "Sugarbear, I've suddenly started seeing all these comments." My brother didn't say anything, just signaled with his eyes for me to keep going. "The thing is, the two of us are throwaways.

The snake in our apartment is the male lead, and later that snake is going to—" "I know. The snake turns into a man and takes brutal revenge on us.

Right?" I was stunned. "Sugarbear, how did you know? Can you see the comments too?" My brother looked at me with concern. "Sis.

I told you to cut back on ReelShort." "I've scrolled past this shifter plot a hundred times on vertical dramas." "Sugarbear, I'm serious!" He put the back of his hand on my forehead. "No fever.

Is anything else bothering you?" "…No." "Good, you're not sick. I still have work files to sort out.

You like that little black snake, he's yours." "Oh, right, I'm going to another city for work tomorrow.

Remember to check on the snake room." … I never should have gone to him in the first place. The minute my brother was out the door.

The little black snake suddenly stopped wanting to move. Every day he lay in his tub, listless. I assumed I'd fallen short somewhere again and carried him in to see a doctor.

The vet's office wasn't open. It was hot out, and the ice pack I'd brought had already melted. My ebike's battery was about to die too. Nothing to do but go home.

On the way up the stairs I ran into Mrs. Padilla from the fourth floor, with a young woman next to her. "This is my granddaughter. She's a freshman in college.

She's staying here with me for a few days over summer break." Before I could answer, the girl came right up to me, eyes bright, staring at the little black snake. "Hi — is this your snake?

He's so cute." My whole field of vision flooded pink with comments. [our girl falling for the ML at first sight just like that, so sweet, i'm shipping it so hard