The Alter I Was Ordered to Kill

I took over the splitpersonality case of Harlan Ashford, Supreme Commander of the Imperial Fleet.

He said his alter was planning to lock up a civilian girl, and that his journal was full of a sick obsession with her. In the treatment room, Harlan's eyes were full of pain.

He was almost begging. "Dr. Reyes, please help me kill him." With my help, he was cured. The day he was discharged. I asked, "How are you feeling, Mr.

Ashford?" A sick, vicious smile curved across the man's fine, unearthly face. "Thank you for the treatment, Dr. Reyes." "So that I can have you.

All to myself." Chapter 1 "What happened to the doctors before me?" I asked my mentor as I took Harlan's encrypted file.

He paused. "Hospitalized." I tipped up one corner of my mouth. "That bad?" No wonder a commoner like me was getting a shot at a noble's case.

My mentor sighed. "Admiral Ashford is experiencing severe interference from his alter." "The alter is extremely paranoid, extremely possessive, and shows possible violent tendencies…" "But if the treatment works, it will be the crowning case of your career." More than that, for a Federation commoner like me, it was the test that would decide whether I could hold my ground at the Empire's Royal Medical Academy. "Understood." "Insurance covers it anyway." A few minutes later.

The treatment room. Harlan sat across from me.

He was in civilian clothes, a white shirt, cuffs rolled to midforearm, the clean line of his wristbones showing. "Cordelia Reyes." His eyes went over my badge. "Hello, Dr.

Reyes." We held each other's gaze, then got down to it. The sunlight slid from the hottest part of noon down into evening. Harlan made his request. "Dr.

Reyes, I want you to kill my alter." I reminded him. "Mr. Ashford, the standard treatment is integration.

Killing an alter is a last resort." He pushed a journal across to me. "Maybe you don't understand yet how vile he is." "My alter is planning to lock up a civilian girl." I turned the pages one by one.

The handwriting was the same as Harlan's, but the words were nothing like his. Harlan himself was disciplined and correct, and never let anything show. Like his handwriting.

Upright, contained. But every line in this journal looked scorched by something molten. Slanted, rushed.

The voice in it was brazen, too. "She's so small… her waist is so thin." "Could she even take it?" "Neck that thin, it would snap so easily… but I'll be careful.

I'll try to… hold back." "I should make her cry and then comfort her. Baby must be beautiful when she cries.

Just thinking about it, I shamefully…" Page after page of undisguised lust. The second half was all planning. Crossed out and rewritten. Learning her schedule.

Buying off the security system in her building. Mapping out different transfer routes.

He had even prepared a cell out in a distant sector, sealed off from every interstellar signal. I turned to the last page.

One word on the whole page. "Mine." "Mine." "Mine." The pen had pressed down hard enough that every stroke almost went through the paper. Two knocks.

They pulled me back, and I snapped the journal shut. "Sorry. Did I frighten you?" Harlan asked politely.

More than once I felt like I was seeing straight through the polite shell of him. To the coldness in his bones. Chapter 2 "No. I was the one who asked you to lay all of it out.

It helps the treatment." Harlan gave a faint nod.

His face was distant, not a degree of warmth in it. "Thank you for understanding." I still tried to explain that integration was the firstline option. Harlan spoke. "Dr. Reyes.

This is an order." Not an inch of give in it. I realized I had stepped over a line. If not for this case, I might never have gotten near Harlan at all.

Clawing my way from a border planet all the way to the Empire. It had used up every scrap of luck I had. "Of course, Mr. Ashford.

I will draw up a plan." Then I asked one last question. "The alter's desire for this civilian girl goes far beyond normal." "She is the crux of it.

Would it be all right for me to have her personal information?" Harlan apologized with a look. "The alter doesn't share memories with me." "I don't know who she is." He thought for a moment, looked at me, and offered one completely useless clue. "Rabbits." "What?" From somewhere Harlan produced a rabbit doll the size of his palm and set it down. "My alter is especially fond of rabbits." "Dr.

Reyes. Think about why." Time was up. Harlan went back to the fleet and his duties. I was at a complete loss.

At minimum I needed to sit down with the alter face to face, understand him, get a handle on him, before there was any next step. Then I thought about the size of Harlan.

And started to lose my nerve. Six feet three. When he stood, it was like a mountain rising in front of me. And on top of that, a face that was much too beautiful.

Every time he looked down at me from that height. With that lazy mockery, like Satan watching prey. Harlan himself was polite and correct.

That didn't mean his alter wouldn't flatten me with one punch. Ugh. Before the next session. The nobles held a charity gala. A goldembossed invitation. My first one ever.

Thanks to Harlan, again. Across the Empire and the stars, the classes were set. Nobles only cared to deal with nobles. Events like this were their vanity fair.

I didn't fit anywhere in it. The one consolation was the buffet. Free, endless variety, and the desserts especially. I went to war on anything with strawberry in it. "Dr.

Reyes." Harlan's voice. The last I'd seen, he was at the center of the room with all the light on him. My mouth was full.

I panicked for a second. "Is it good?" The black dress uniform made his shoulders broad and his waist narrow.

He picked up the same little cake I had and put it in his mouth, easy about it. The awkwardness went out of the air. "Mr. Ashford, we begin the first session tomorrow.

Will you have the time?" I confirmed it with him. "Mm." As he nodded, he handed me a medical case.

I could see the rows of ampoules lying inside. "Heavy sedatives." Harlan lowered his eyes. "I'm sure you've heard, Dr. Reyes." "My alter is difficult.

Sedatives will keep you safe." "Thank you for the trouble." He kept an excessive distance from everyone. Me most of all. Flat words, flat face.

Sometimes he couldn't be bothered to look straight at me. Over those two weeks, trying to understand Harlan, I'd heard a lot of talk. A son of the Duke.

Not allowed to show emotion, not allowed to fail, not allowed to go mad, not allowed a scandal.

Among the three great houses, Harlan had become the permanent nightmare of every other child. Rigid and dull, really.

Chapter 3 Wearing a face that dramatic and holding it dead still. The body was textbook, too.

Shoulders straight, waist cut in, a perfect V… "What are you looking at?" I swallowed and pulled my eyes off the clean line of his waist.

I played it calm. "I was thinking about what rabbits mean to the alter." "Oh." His voice was clipped. "What do you think, Dr.

Reyes?" I thought about it. "Cute, soft, fluffy?" Harlan's gaze came down slowly. And stopped on my face. "They are." For no reason I could name.

I caught something amused at the corner of his mouth. Not a bad day. He'd spared me a little extra emotion. Then it was gone.

Harlan went cold again and headed back to the center of the party. I circled the long table with a takeout box. Hunting for the things my friend liked. A few minutes, no more.

Then a commotion broke out in the middle of the hall. The security detail was shouting. "Admiral Ashford, stop!" "Stop, right now!" I shoved my way through the crowd.

And saw the exact opposite side of Harlan. The alter was out. The man he had by the throat had no face left to speak of, and blood was spreading across the floor.

The alter tilted his head slightly. The red made his skin look even whiter, like a marble statue. His voice was low, and arrogant.

He spoke to the man on the floor. "A bastard should be ready to die." I saw a wildness in him that no institution had ever broken. Terrified as I was.

I got out the sedative and, at the risk of my life, made him stop. In the instant he went down. Those burning eyes traced over me. His mouth curved.

Vicious and elegant at once. "Hello there, Dr. Cordelia Reyes." He closed his eyes and came down on top of me. So heavy.

Harlan attacking his own brother in public set off a storm across the stars. The military inspector general's office looked into it. Harlan had a reason.

His older half brother, Barrett Ashford, had used his position to smuggle weapons.

A group of capital ships failed because of it, were caught in concentrated enemy fire, and were destroyed. A great many soldiers died. Under imperial law.

Barrett should have been sentenced to death to begin with. But Harlan injuring a man in public was still an offense.

Given the Duke's weight, he spent only two months in military confinement. During that time. My mentor came to find me.

He pressed down his grizzled eyebrows and said, "The Duke praised you to me for how you handled yourself the night of the gala." "Brave, decisive, and not a scratch on you." The point was probably the last part.

Every doctor before me had ended up hospitalized. "The Duke thinks I can get close to the alter?" My mentor pressed his eyebrows down every time he had bad news. And there it was.

He sighed. "Yes." "The Duke wants Admiral Ashford cured within six months." "The Empire has no use for a madman at the head of its fleet." Which meant.

More or less what Harlan wanted. Kill the alter. "If you succeed, this is your reward." An unissued commission as a Distinguished Physician.

A lifetime honor that even nobles rarely got. And I had a shot at it. My mentor said, "It could cost you your life.

Think it through." I spoke at the same time. "I accept." Everything I had ever wanted was right there.

Every year the Empire ran the Galactic Talent Initiative, taking the best students out of the member states and placing them in its top institutions. But after graduation.

The climb was almost impossible for a commoner. What I wanted was suddenly within reach. I had to take it. Chapter 4 At the session.

My plan was to go soft, play nice, and fool the alter a little.

He called me out without mercy. "They sent a little thing to kill me this time?" I blanked for a second. "You have been interfering with Admiral Ashford's daily life." "Oh." He hooked my pen away and started spinning it, careless. "So obedient.

How much do you actually know about him?" I said, "Twentyseven. The youngest Supreme Commander of the Imperial Fleet.

His house holds a permanent fief over an entire star system…" He cut me off. "I didn't come to hear you recite an encyclopedia." "He has protected the Empire." Like he'd heard the joke of the century.

The alter sat up, shrugged, and grinned. "By killing one set of people to protect another?" "You're from the Federation, Dr. Reyes. You know better than anyone.

Nothing about the Empire is good, is it?" I paused, and kept my voice steady. "Admiral Ashford, the fleet protects the Federation as well. I serve the Empire and I am loyal to it.

That is reasonable." "Mm." He curled his fingers and tapped them against his temple. "How boring." He dropped the sprawl and sat up a little straighter. "Let's have the therapy." "And I'm no admiral.

Dr. Reyes, use a name to tell me apart from that puppet of the Empire." I nodded. "Then what should I call you?" "You pick one for me. Don't be scared.

I'm not as rigid as Harlan." His voice was lazy, drawn out. "Call me by a dog's name and I still won't be angry." Threatened with no name, no treatment. I called him Samael.

The venomous serpent of God. The angel of darkness. The name of an angel out of the oldera myths of Earth. Harlan had an imperial elite education, and the galaxy is enormous.

A myth out of that corner of it, he would never know. I went to see the doctors before me. They all mentioned the same thing.

The alter was suicidal. "Guiding him to kill himself is a very good direction for treatment." So at our next meeting. I had the alter fill out an assessment. Severe anxiety.

Mild depression. He wasn't interested in the results. He asked me instead, "Do you think the Empire should be burned down and rebuilt, Dr. Reyes?" "I'm sorry.

I can't answer that." "Then let me put it another way." He folded his hands, as if our positions had switched and I was the one being interrogated. "The Empire indirectly destroyed your home.

Have you ever resented that?" "Yes." I answered honestly. And met the alter's eyes. "Samael.

We're both curious about each other." "Shall we trade questions?" "All right." He nodded, mild. "Why do you want to lock up that civilian girl?" "No comment." Nothing got through him.

I said, "I answered you seriously. Keep your end of it." Only then did he drawl out one word. "Desire." "There are many kinds of desire.

Sexual, appetite, possession, power…" I took out the rabbit doll Harlan had left and waved it a little. "Right now, thinking about her, which desire has the upper hand?" The alter swallowed, raised an eyebrow, and let out a scoffing laugh. "The crude physical kind." He opened his hand and measured out the width of a waist. "She's too small.

About like this. One hand could hold her." "And I still want to break her, whatever it costs." A powerful urge to destroy.

Chapter 5 I frowned. "So you don't care if she cries?" "Crying." The alter chewed the word over and over.

Then lifted that face, so beautiful it spilled over into something ghostly. "I think it would only excite me more." Rotten straight through.

I set down what little pity I had and decided, without any guilt, to use the plan the doctors before me had drawn up. Find the source of his anxiety.

Guide him toward destroying himself. The treatment went badly. I think those doctors forgot to tell me something. Samael was very good at pretending.

More than once he played the host to make a fool of me. And not only me. The fleet suffered for it too. Because Samael deliberately issued the wrong orders.

In the confusion, two nobles died. A noble life was worth more than anything. The Duke's demand for answers came down through every level and landed on me as an ultimatum.

Losing the lifetime honor was one thing. He was going to take my appointment too. I was furious. I strapped him down in the treatment room and demanded answers.

Samael lifted his chin, careless. "Only two of them died?" "Dr. Reyes, you look like a rabbit when you're angry.

Has anyone told you that?" "What?" His mouth curved. "Cute, soft, fluffy." I froze. Those were the words I had said to the host. So that day, he had been playing the host too.

I lost it. And slapped him.

He pushed his tongue into his cheek. "Striking a noble gets you a courtmartial." I stood up straight and looked down at him through narrowed eyes. "That's fine." "I'm going to kill you.

And I doubt Admiral Ashford will come after me over something this small." "Good. I wish you luck." He turned his palm over.

This time it was a rabbit carved out of crystal. "Have you ever seen a real rabbit, Dr. Reyes?" Only nobles could afford to keep the old species.

Even the encyclopedia entries were thin. "I keep rabbits. Would you like to come see them before you kill me, Dr. Reyes?" He smiled.

And I could practically see my lifetime honor waving goodbye. "No!" I fought him day and night after that. Digging through records until I had black circles under my eyes.

Broadly speaking, different alters can be counted as different people. Different people, different habits. However good the alter's acting was, it was very hard to get past my eye.

That autumn. I succeeded. My mentor filed the result. The Duke sent the most respected Distinguished Physician in the Empire to assess Harlan's condition, and it was confirmed.

The alter was gone. Three days later. My name appeared at the very bottom of the Imperial Register of Distinguished Physicians. A lifetime honor.

It meant the top of imperial medicine, with permanent residency thrown in. My mentor threw me a celebration dinner. He got drunk.

He raised his glass. "Cordelia, that whole useless pack of nobles couldn't do a thing for Admiral Ashford." "I was the one who told him I had a brilliant commoner student…" My head was swimming too.

I stood up. "Don't worry. I'll thank Admiral Ashford myself." "For overriding everyone and picking me." The next day. I ran Harlan's final test.

He was cold and remote the whole way through. Keeping a strict, safe distance from me. "Mr. Ashford, you are cleared to be discharged." "Thank you." He left without hesitating.

I went downstairs too. It was pouring. I didn't have an umbrella. Harlan was a little behind me. He had just come out when his official car pulled up. I saw him about to step away.

Chapter 6 I asked, "Mr. Ashford, which way are you headed?" "The spaceport." Flat. I looked at him, shameless and hopeful. "Could you give me a ride?" Ten feet or so between us.

Harlan said, "I wasn't going to. Not today." There was a roughness in his voice that was almost impossible to catch. "What?" I asked. He nodded. "Sure." I climbed in, delighted.

To take the edge off the silence, I broke it first. "How are you feeling, Mr. Ashford?" Inside the slowmoving car. Harlan's eyes were burning.

He watched me and laughed softly. "Cute, soft, unsuspecting little thing." I saw it clearly.

A sick, vicious smile curved across the man's fine, unearthly face. "I feel very good." "Thank you for the treatment, Dr. Reyes." "So that I can have you. All to myself." My