The Doll My Husband Brought Home

"Oh no! The blowup doll came alive!" I was nine months pregnant and had just woken up in the guest room when my husband burst in, panicking.

Last night, he'd kicked me out of the master bedroom so he could spend the whole night with the blowup doll he'd insisted on buying, holding it and getting his rocks off.

I'd spent the entire night choking down the hurt. Suddenly, it didn't hurt anymore.

Because what he didn't know was— I had a blowup doll too, just waiting to "come alive"… Chapter 1 After I got pregnant, my husband never touched me again.

But to take care of his personal needs, he came up with a bright idea. "Babe, what do you think? Should I get a blowup doll?

I bet it'd feel amazing." I frowned right away. "You don't think using something like that is creepy?" Now he was annoyed too. "What's creepy about it?

It's totally normal, okay?" But when he saw my face go dark, he started begging. "My queen… please, just let me buy one?

Can you really stand watching me suffer like this, holding it in every single day?" He was the type who never quit until he got what he wanted.

To get that thing, he spent every day excitedly browsing on his phone, and for a whole month he wore me down without letup. I finally couldn't take it anymore and said yes.

At least I'd get some peace and quiet. My husband gleefully opened his cart right away and bought the blowup doll he'd had his eye on for ages.

A few days later, he came home beaming, hugging a giant box. I wasn't in the mood to deal with him. I lay in bed on my phone and didn't even glance his way.

And then he actually dragged me out of bed.

I stared at him, lost. "What's wrong with you?" Waggling his eyebrows, all mysterious, he shoved me out into the living room. "I'm about to open my package.

If you're watching, I won't be able to relax… Or do you want to play with me?" Me: … He was so gross I couldn't even speak. He slammed the bedroom door shut and locked it.

Soon I heard the sound of a package being torn open. I couldn't have said what I was feeling.

I couldn't stop picturing him hiding out on our marriage bed, on top of the blowup doll, riding it for all he was worth. A sour ache filled my chest.

I took a deep breath and went to the guest room. I comforted myself: I'd already made up my mind anyway. Once I'd recovered from the birth, I'd divorce him and keep the baby.

Not the father. After all, from the moment he'd brought up buying that thing, there'd been no reason for this marriage to go on.

Half an hour later, my husband came out of the master bedroom. Honestly, I was a little curious what this blowup doll actually looked like, and I wanted to go in and see.

But he stayed planted in the doorway and wouldn't let me in. If I needed anything, he could bring it out for me. I glared at him.

So he softened his tone again. "Please, I'm begging you. Also… could you sleep in the guest room tonight? Babe, you're the best!" That made me even angrier.

My blood was boiling, and I wanted to have it out with him.

But the second I remembered this past month of him wearing me down, a huge wave of helplessness washed over me, and I couldn't be bothered to say another word to him.

Then the next morning, before I was even awake, he banged the guest room door open. "Oh no, oh no!

The blowup doll came alive!" I sat up in bed, completely dazed. …Was I still asleep? What the hell did "the blowup doll came alive" even mean?

It took me a few seconds to slowly come to, and my face went cold. He was cheating on me. Chapter 2 My husband obviously had no idea I'd already seen right through him.

He dragged me out to the living room to look. A young woman was standing in the living room, her face blank. I looked her up and down.

She was slim and slender, wearing nothing but a very cheap set of lingerie. "This is… the blowup doll you bought?" That was what I asked out loud, but inside I was thinking: I've never seen this woman before.

He hid his side piece this well? And she had a nice face and a nice body. How blind did she have to be to fall for my husband?

After all, my husband had only been goodlooking and goodnatured before we got married. After the wedding, he'd turned straight into a pig.

After I got pregnant, it was like he'd become a completely different person, annoying as hell.

Could it be… they'd had a thing going since before the wedding? "Yes!" My husband clapped his hands hard, pacing in circles, frantic and sweating buckets. "Last night after I was done with it, I kept it next to me and held it while I slept, and when I woke up this morning… she was in the bed!

And the blowup doll was gone!

Nobody could've gotten into our place, so the only possibility is that the blowup doll came alive!" I said nothing. "So you're telling me the big package you hauled home yesterday came alive?" As I talked, I watched the woman's face.

Her expression didn't change at all. She still looked lost. Like she couldn't even understand that I was insulting her. "Yes! That's exactly it.

Babe, what are we supposed to do?" I nodded thoughtfully. Then I raised my hand and slapped my husband hard across the face.

He clutched his cheek, eyes wide as saucers. "What'd you hit me for? You don't believe me? But everything I said is true!" I'd wanted to yell at him: Do you think I'm stupid?

Lying to me with something this idiotic? But the words got to the tip of my tongue, and I swallowed them back. Instead, I shot back, totally impatient, "Dustin Kessler!

You have the nerve to ask me what to do? A blowup doll coming alive is a huge deal, and you don't know to report it to the government right away?!

You don't have an ounce of civic duty?" My husband froze.

He exchanged a quick look with the "blowup doll," then looked at me. "Well…" I jabbed a finger at his nose, heartbroken and furious. "This whole country is ashamed of you." Then I pulled out my phone to call the cops.

Once the police got here and ran her ID, everything would come out. Blowup doll came alive, my ass. I bet his whole damn family came from blowup dolls!

I was just about to dial when my husband snatched my phone out of my hand. I gave him a strange look.

Eyes lowered, biting his lip, he looked like he could hardly bring himself to say it. "Calling the cops and all that… let's just not, okay?" "Why?" He didn't answer, just shot me a guilty look.

So I asked him over and over, louder every time: why, why, why? Finally I pushed him too far.

He gritted his teeth and told me what he really thought. "Because she's a gift from heaven!" "Why didn't anyone else's blowup doll come alive? Why only mine?

That proves heaven sent her to me special, a big break to make it up to me." "I've spent all these years bowing and scraping. It hasn't been easy.

I finally get a shot at two women serving one man, and you can't let me enjoy it? Are you that jealous?

She's not even totally a person!" What he said left my heart racing and my breath short. My stomach churned, and I nearly gagged.

Chapter 3 The baby gave me a gentle kick, like it was answering my discomfort.

I rubbed my chest and said to my husband, dead serious, "The most important thing for you to do right now is delete every one of those trashy fantasynovel apps on your phone." "Besides, how exactly have you been bowing and scraping?

Is being married to me that miserable?" He pressed his lips together, eyes down, sneaking glances at me again and again. Like a putupon little wife.

He said weakly, "Well, isn't it? Stuck with just you every day, keeping myself pure for you… think of all the fun a man's supposed to have that I've given up…" "Look at you now.

You're not gentle, you've got a bad temper, you're mean, you blow up at the tiniest thing, and you're so fat and…" He didn't finish. But I knew he'd meant to say fat and ugly.

I was livid, and right after that another wave of nausea hit. The baby started kicking hard too. Everything was warning me: I absolutely could not act on impulse.

This late in my pregnancy, facing something like this, I had to be smart. And then smarter. The most important thing right now was definitely not fighting with this bastard!

Pregnancy hormones made it hard for me to control my emotions. I frowned, holding my belly, and took several deep breaths before I managed to calm down a little.

I looked up at the "blowup doll." She was standing awkwardly in the middle of the living room, looking curiously at everything around her.

That slow, innocent look really didn't seem like an act. She couldn't actually have come from a blowup doll… The absurd thought flashed through my mind and was gone.

I grabbed a throw blanket and draped it over her. She wrapped the blanket tight around herself and gave me a grateful smile. Something about it felt weird to me.

I couldn't say what. Out of nowhere I asked, "So does she need to eat?" My husband blinked. "…I guess she does? I checked. She's definitely a living person." Checked? Checked how?

Frowning, I said nothing and gently poked her bare wrist with my finger. That feel, those veins… she was a living, breathing person, all right.

The blowup doll's face was full of confusion. She clearly didn't understand why I was poking her. "So can she talk?

Does she understand English?" He shook his head. "Probably not." "Oh…" I nodded thoughtfully. "So you're going to have to teach her how to talk?" Then he gave a greasy little snicker, came over, all eager to please, and gently stroked my pregnant belly. "Perfect timing.

Once the baby's born we'll have to teach him to talk too, so we can get some practice in early. And after the baby comes, the blowup doll can take care of you while you recover.

How great is that?" Have the blowup doll take care of me? No, thanks. He grabbed both my hands and kept begging. "Please?

What if you call the cops and they haul her off for live experiments? Could you live with that?" My face went cold. I didn't say a word.

I really couldn't stand it when he begged me like this. Just like when he'd begged me for a whole month to buy the doll. So annoying. "Babe, what do you say?

Think of it as good karma for our baby. Plus we'd get a free nanny. Won't cost us a cent. How great is that?" It really was a good deal. And all it meant was one more mouth to feed.

With my husband's income and mine, plus our savings, we could easily afford it. I bit my lip and thought it over again and again. Chapter 4 I'd already worked out a plan.

I held out my hand to him. "Let me see your phone." He had no idea why, but he handed it over without a second thought. I opened his shopping app and pulled up his order history.

He really had bought a blowup doll. The order said Delivered. …If I requested a refund on the grounds that the blowup doll came alive, would the store accept that?

Mulling over nonsense like that, I quietly made a note of the store's name and gave him back his phone. Deliberately snippy, I ordered, "Fine.

She can stay for now, and we'll see how she does. If she does well, I won't call the cops.

If not… I'm sending her away no matter what." "Teaching her housework and how to talk and all that is completely on you.

Don't expect any help from me." He couldn't hide how thrilled he was. "Awesome!

I knew my queen was the best!" He came over and gave me a hug, then took the blowup doll by the hand, led her into the master bedroom, shut the door, and locked it.

Me: … I was completely done caring what they got up to in there. I rolled my eyes at the master bedroom, walked silently into the guest room, and locked the door.

Then I got on my phone, looked up the store where my husband had bought the blowup doll, and scrolled through it.

That was when I found out he'd bought the cheapest one in the store. Just a torso. It didn't even have a head. The one with a head cost at least $2,000.

I couldn't help letting out a cold laugh, and I opened the customer service chat. Me: [Do you have male blowup dolls?] It took customer service ages to reply.

He had the nerves of a war veteran. No customer could faze him. Customer Service: [No, but we can do a custom one!] The corners of my mouth curved up. Well, that was just perfect.

Who doesn't have a "blowup doll" just waiting to turn human? Me: [Please make me a custom one. Just the torso is fine