The Girl They Called Brother

My parents quietly changed the sex on my birth certificate to male, to give my sister the girlhood she dreamed of.

From the day I was born I wore my hair short and followed her around as her little brother, carrying her backpack, fighting her fights, the knight who protected the princess.

The year I turned seventeen, I secretly made an alt account as a girl and filled it with the princess dresses I loved.

The boy I'd been talking to for six months laughed, low and soft. "Found you." But that same afternoon, he asked my sister out.

I was about to explain that I was the girl, but the comments said he could never love a boy, and that once he knew he'd been tricked, he'd just find it disgusting.

But I'm not a boy. I'm Auden, and I want to wear a dress. Just once. Chapter 1 I turned off my phone.

Around me, everyone was still buzzing. "Wow, is that Hollis Sterling?" "He's so hot. I snuck a look when I walked past.

Totally cold, like nothing touches him." "And he actually asked Juliet Corbin out!" At Sandover Academy, gossip about Hollis Sterling always traveled the farthest. "Did you know Hollis has liked Juliet forever?" "My cousin's in his dorm.

He says Hollis is on his phone all day talking to somebody, and Hollis gets this look. So soft." "The girl he likes talks all sweet and quiet, always off in her own head.

Her whole feed is kittens and princess dresses, every kind you can think of." I looked out the window. Down at the foot of the building, Juliet was wearing a Miu Miu dress.

Her long hair fell beautifully over her shoulders in soft waves. She threw herself into Hollis's arms. Even the way she blushed was pretty. They were right, I thought.

Juliet really did look like a princess. The guy next to me was leaning on the windowsill too.

He looked at my sister, then back at me, dead serious. "Auden, you don't look anything like your sister." "How so?" Marcus thought about it and came up with a comparison. "Your sister's the white swan.

You're…more like her servant." "Skinny, short, and your hair's all split ends." That made me mad. I put my head down on my desk and ignored him.

Marcus poked at me again, pleased with himself. "Come on, Auden, don't be mad." "I'll buy you boba." I was just lifting my head when he added, "This one's for you.

The other one, take it to your sister for me…" Mine was a onedollar lemonade. Hers was an $8.50 grape tea with cheese foam.

I stayed where I was, face down on the desk. "I'm not doing it." "She doesn't like you. She won't take it anyway." He went red and slapped the desk. "We're guys.

We don't need the expensive stuff. Why are you being so precious about it?" "You know what, Auden? I think you're just jealous of your sister!" Then he took off.

The whole class was looking at me. I buried my head in my math problems and acted like I didn't care. But my fist was knotted in the hem of my shirt, twisted hard enough to hurt.

Chapter 2 I didn't say another word to Marcus that day. After school, when nobody was around, I cried.

It made me think of a long time ago, when I'd secretly put on one of my sister's barrettes and Mom tore into me for it. I was miserable. I posted a picture of that barrette online.

Somebody nice messaged me. [Is this the one? Don't worry about paying. Let me get it for you.] Later on, he said, [So you're a pink person? And princess dresses, all of them. Tsk.

Pretty girly.] [Although…it suits you.] I knew that every time I put a photo up on my feed, he liked it. Hollis had mistaken my sister for me. I didn't blame him.

After all, I was the one envying her in secret, like a thief. Peering into my sister's life. After that, I logged out of the alt account and never logged back in.

At breakfast, Mom reminded me, same as always. "Your sister's stomach is bothering her today. You're her brother.

Take care of her, okay?" I took a slow bite of my toast. "Okay." Juliet was two years older than me, a senior. Our buildings were on opposite ends of campus.

I filled a cup at the hotdrink station in the commons, the way I'd done a hundred times, and stirred in honey and ginger. The second the lunch bell rang, I ran it over.

By the time I got there, wiping the sweat off my face, she'd just gone to the bathroom. I set the tea on her desk.

Then I thought about it and put down a few pieces of chocolate too. That was when a guy off to the side raised an eyebrow and stepped into my way.

Reddyed hair, the whole slouchingtroublemaker look.

He looked me up and down and snorted. "Who the hell are you?" "You don't know Juliet Corbin has a boyfriend?" I didn't know him. I didn't want trouble either.

He didn't wait for me to explain.

He picked up the tea and threw it on the floor. "I've been watching you for a while." "Every morning, every afternoon, you're carrying Juliet's backpack, running out for her boba." "Tsk.

Laying it on that thick? Look at yourself. You think you're in her league?" He backed me into the corner, saying all of it like it bored him. He was standing too close.

Any second now he was going to hit me, and I squeezed my eyes shut. "That's enough." "Barrow, don't push it." A level voice came from the side. Hollis pulled off his headphones.

He gave me a glance and said, calm, "Hey. Take your chocolate back. She doesn't need it." "And from now on, I'd appreciate it if you stayed away from Juliet." He had a nice voice.

He was polite about it, too.

The comments scrolled past. [dying lmao the second lead is such a clown] [the ML doesn't even recognize him AND thinks he's a rival. man's jealous rn] [second lead have some self respect. quit making a joke of yourself. even if the ML knew the truth he'd just think you're disgusting, he's never gonna like you] Just then Juliet came hurrying back.

She took in the standoff and burst out laughing. "Oh my God, you two, one second and you're already throwing hands?" She hooked her arm through Hollis's like it was nothing and pointed at me. "This one?

My brother. Actual blood." Hollis blinked. "Your brother makes your tea and walks you to and from school?" She batted her eyes. "Yep. Builtin help.

My own personal butler." "That's what a little brother's for, right? Protecting his big sister for the rest of her life." There was a beat of silence.

Hollis realized he'd gotten it wrong. He held a hand out to me, and he meant it. "Sorry." I pulled at the corner of my mouth, but I couldn't make it into a smile.

Back when we were still in DMs, Chapter 3 he was always saying things with a laugh that made me go red. "Tsk.

What are you so scared of?" "It's not like I could do anything to you if we actually met." I never expected it. We really did meet.

And all he had time to say was, "Sorry." After that, maybe out of guilt, Hollis sent some things my way.

A few thick notebooks of his own notes, and a prep workbook that had been out of print for years and was almost impossible to find.

Barrow handed the stack over, lazy about it. "He put these together himself." "Hollis is first in the class every single time.

His notes should help you with midterms." I hesitated, and Barrow slung an arm across my shoulders. "Come on, no hard feelings.

That day was on us." "And don't go talking trash about me to your sister." Oh, I thought. He likes her too. There was nothing to do but take it. I nodded. I opened the workbook.

A nicely wrapped box of chocolates was tucked inside. I froze. Barrow was already a long way off. He waved a hand behind him. "Those are from me." "Eat more.

You'll grow." That midterm, somehow, on every problem that looked like something out of that workbook— I didn't lose a single point. So things between us thawed a little.

At school, when Hollis and I happened to cross paths, we'd nod, say hey. I used to stand out on the breezeway with my textbook, memorizing.

Sometimes I'd see Hollis crouched at the foot of the building, feeding a bunch of little orange tabbies. The summer wind moved through everything, light.

Whoever he was thinking about, the corner of his mouth lifted.

And then a pretty figure came flying into his arms. "There you are!" My sister tipped her head and glanced down. "Ugh, why are you like my brother?

Who likes plain orange cats?" "I figured you'd go for something with more style. A Maine Coon or something…" Hollis went still for a second. "Your brother likes them?" "Yeah.

Why?" He stood up. "Nothing." "Come on. Let's go watch you do ballet." They walked off. A kitten wound around my ankles, meowing. I broke off pieces of a Slim Jim for it.

After that I didn't come out there to study much anymore. The whole school knew how much Hollis favored my sister. On her birthday he gave her a $150,000 necklace.

Some people from class decided to hang out in somebody's basement, and we got to the truthordare part. My sister lost a bunch of rounds in a row. Hollis drank for her every time.

I went to the bathroom, and when I came out he was leaning against the sink. He looked like he'd thrown up more than once. His face was noticeably pale.

I hesitated, then went over to hold him up. "If you're not feeling good, you can tell my sister." Our fingers touched. Hollis stopped, and those goodlooking brows drew together.

He drew his hand away from mine without making a show of it. "Why is it you?" The comments were gleeful. [the second lead is so disgusting, staging runins to get close to the ML] [same with the orange cat thing last time. all that effort for what? even if the ML suspects he's just gonna act like he doesn't know] I took my hand back. "Just passing by." I was a long way off and I could still feel that dark look on my back.

I went home early that night.

Around nine it started to drizzle, and Dad got worried. "Auden, go pick up your sister." I didn't look up from my book. "Somebody will bring her home." Chapter 4 Mom frowned and snapped at me. "Some other boy bringing her home?

I don't like it. Auden, since when are you this selfish?" The room went tight. Dad set his laptop down and hurried to smooth her over, his voice soft.

I put on my rain jacket without a word, took an umbrella, and ran out. Maybe Juliet had stayed out too late that night. Bad luck.

A few punks cornered the two of us in an alley. "Auden, what do we do, I'm scared…" Juliet's voice went small. The kind of small that made people want to protect her.

I didn't tell her I was scared too. I set my backpack down anyway. "When it gets messy, run for the main road," I said. "Don't worry about me…" That was how it was supposed to go.

Wasn't it? When a bowl got broken at home, I took the punishment. Every teddy bear our parents bought went to her.

When there was a huge bug in her bookcase and she screamed for me, whitefaced, I was the one who calmed her down and made myself kill it.

Growing up, the thing my parents said to me most was, "Swear you'll take care of your sister. You're a man, aren't you?" "Your sister was born with a heart condition.

She's so fragile, and you're so healthy. You're her brother. Give in to her for the rest of her life." "Our Auden is so smart.

You'll understand where Mom and Dad are coming from, won't you…" I'd heard it too many times. I was used to it. So when the sticks came down, I didn't hesitate.

I put myself in front of her. They pulled my hair. I kicked them in the stomach. It got loud enough that the cops came, and then the punks cleared out, sullen.

I wiped the blood off my forehead and pulled my sister up. A few drivers pulled over and took us to the hospital, and Hollis heard about it fast.

He came rushing in, and the first thing he saw was the scrape on my sister's knee. "Auden, why couldn't you be more careful?" "She's hurt.

Is this how you look after your sister?" Maybe it was panic. The air around him had gone cold, and the words came at me before he thought about them.

My sister was hiccupping through tears, shaking her head, trying to defend me. Nothing came out. "Hey. Hollis.

Take it easy." Barrow stepped up and clapped his shoulder. "Auden's hurt too.

His forehead's still bleeding." "You can't put this on him." Only then did Hollis see the gauze on my forehead, and his voice cut off. He didn't say anything else.

He turned and went to pay the copay at the registration desk. Barrow knew he was in a bad mood and went over to talk him down. From a distance I heard Hollis, flat. "He's a guy.

Isn't this exactly what he's supposed to do?" "What's he got to complain about?" "Leaving Jules with him.

I really don't feel good about it." I looked down and nudged a pebble with my toe. I didn't say one word.

When Hollis dropped my sister off downstairs, he called out to me. "The cops found your phone." There was no passcode on it. I thanked him and took it quickly.

I was turning to go up when it rang. My feet stopped. I started to look down.

Behind me, Hollis calmly lowered his own phone from his ear. "So it really is you." Under the dim streetlight, the two of us looked at each other across the distance.

No delight at finding out the truth. No regret over the mistake. He was perfectly calm. He held out a bank card. Chapter 5 "Auden. Let's act like none of this ever happened.

Okay?" "I don't want a single other person knowing." "It's pretty disgusting, after all." The rain hit my face, one thread at a time. It was humiliating.

The kind of sad that makes you want to cry. I snapped the card in half and threw it at him. I went upstairs, pushed the door open, and couldn't stop crying. I wanted to scream.

I wanted answers. Why the world had to be this unfair to me.

Dad saw me and put a finger to his lips. "Your sister just fell asleep…" That kind of quiet could make a person lose her mind.

I was crying and shouting. "Dad, Mom, I don't want to be the brother anymore!" "I want to be a girl again. I want to grow my hair out once.

I want to learn ballet…" "Why did you do this to me? I'm not the reason she's sick. Why do I have to carry all of it?" It was the first time I'd ever talked back.

Mom lost it and slapped me across the face. "What is wrong with you? Who did something to you? Don't take it out on us." My cheek burned. I couldn't stay in that house.

I went straight out the door. Behind me my sister had woken up. She came out rubbing her eyes. "Why's Auden crying? A boy, crying.

Isn't he embarrassed?" Dad asked, "Who upset him?" Mom said, flat, "Who knows." Outside the rain kept getting heavier. I took shelter in the bus stop, and I had no idea where to go.

I wrapped my arms around myself and sobbed until no sound came out. One bus went by, then another.

Somebody with an umbrella stopped in front of me. "Auden?" Barrow said my name a few times, and when I still didn't react he crouched down and put a hand to my forehead. "Jesus, you're burning up.

Do you have a fever?" He started to pull me up. My legs gave out and I came down on top of him.

Barrow winced from the impact, and then his eyes stopped at my chest. "You… You're a girl?" I