The Wishes I Left Behind

My unfaithful husband had finally come home, and everyone envied me. “He's changed for the better. Why aren't you happy?” my mother asked.

In the third year of our separation, Adrian Whitman had held a press conference to announce that he was returning to his family.

He'd ended his affair, taken over the housework, and begun fulfilling the wishes I'd written down, one by one. He'd even put having a baby back on the agenda.

But I wasn't happy, and I didn't hate him either. Those fierce emotions had burned themselves out over the past three years. I didn't feel anything for him anymore.

Chapter 1 Adrian came in carrying soup just as my mother asked her question. He stood by the door, where shadow met light, watching me in the mirror.

His fingers tightened unconsciously around the rim of the bowl. He seemed nervous. Only when I shook my head did he relax.

He scooped up a spoonful of soup, blew on it until it cooled, and brought it to my lips. “Freshly made chicken soup. It'll help build your strength.

Try some.” My mother took my hand and placed it in his palm. “It's good that you're not angry anymore. People make mistakes.

If he knows he was wrong and he's willing to change, that's what matters. You can't demand perfection in everything.” Adrian's palm was warm.

He took the opportunity to close his hand around mine. But for some reason, the moment we touched, nausea rose in my stomach. I quietly slipped my hand free.

His hand hung in the air, his expression a little forlorn.

After a while, he forced a smile and turned to wish number eightythree. “Claire, you once said you wanted to ride the Ferris wheel with me.

I'll take you tonight.” Adrian had moved back home because he'd found my wish list.

I'd written it before our wedding, carefully recording every single thing I wanted to do with him after we were married. One of them was to ride the Ferris wheel together.

The city's Ferris wheel had a radius of about 171 feet. A full rotation took thirteen minutes and fourteen seconds.

I'd always dreamed of looking out over all those lights with him, then holding each other and kissing when we reached the top.

Now a soft love song played in the gondola, and the city glittered beneath our feet.

Halfway through the ride, Adrian suddenly dropped to one knee and slid a ring with an astonishingly large diamond onto my ring finger. “The original ring is gone, so I got you a replacement.

Claire, let's start over and grow old together. Can we do that?” Promising to grow old together on a Ferris wheel was romantic.

Once, I probably would have thrown myself into his arms and hooked my pinky around his. “It's a promise, then.

We'll be together for the rest of our lives.” But now, in that confined space, his scent surrounded me. It was still the gardenia scent I loved. Yet I couldn't hold it back anymore.

I clutched my lower belly and began to retch. Adrian went rigid. He reached halfway toward me, then pulled his hand back.

After a long silence, he asked quietly, “Claire, you're still angry with me, aren't you?” Was I angry? No. I slowly shook my head. “I'm not angry. I just feel sick.

The day I miscarried, you were on a date with another woman on this Ferris wheel. Maybe even in this gondola. Thinking about it makes me physically sick.

I can't help it.” My family and the Whitmans had been close for generations. Adrian and I had grown up together.

Chapter 2 The Whitmans were a famously wealthy family, but Adrian had his heart set on medicine. At eighteen, he stubbornly chose a premed track. His whole family opposed it.

They even confined him to his room.

He jumped out the window to escape and ran to find me. “Claire, are you against me becoming a doctor too?” I looked at the boy standing in the blazing sun, so young and bright, and answered earnestly, “I'll support whatever you love.” He was silent for a moment.

Then he suddenly asked, “What if I love you?” I smiled. “Then I'll be with you.” And so, at eighteen, Adrian and I became a couple. It felt only natural.

By twentysix, he was widely known as one of medicine's brightest talents. He proposed to me with mountains and rivers, lakes and seas as our witnesses.

Our wedding was lavish, with countless reporters in attendance. Before the ceremony, my older brother kept anxiously reminding Adrian that he had to be good to me.

Adrian smiled and nodded, promising he would. My brother brought his girlfriend that day.

She was two years younger than me and a little shy. “Congratulations, Claire,” she said softly. “I hope you have a wonderful marriage and a long, happy life together.” That was the first time I met Danielle Bishop.

She was beautiful, as graceful as a lily of the valley. Everything she said was a blessing, yet my eyelid suddenly twitched several times.

Only later did I realize that fate always gave you warnings at crucial moments. That had been one of them. The woman wishing me a happy marriage would bring endless turmoil into it.

Danielle had stomach problems and was hospitalized with gastroenteritis. Gastrointestinal conditions happened to be Adrian's area of expertise.

I asked him to take extra care of her. He even complained when he came home. “That girl's pretty delicate. She's always complaining that it hurts.

I had the nurse switch to a pediatric syringe, and she still said it hurt.” I just laughed and thought nothing of it.

The next news I heard about Danielle was that she'd broken up with my brother.

She posted about it on social media. [I've tried countless times to convince myself to stay in this relationship, but I can't lie to my own heart.] [I've fallen in love with someone I shouldn't love.

I know it can't go anywhere, but I still move a little closer to him.] [I used to laugh at the foolishness of a moth flying into a flame.

Now, for him, I'm willing to be that moth.] My brother asked her who she'd fallen in love with. She wouldn't tell him. Over dinner, I passed the story along to Adrian as gossip.

His expression stayed calm, as though he were hearing about someone else's life. I didn't notice it then. He never ate celery.

That day, he'd taken two large mouthfuls without even realizing it. Heartbroken, my brother went abroad. I began planning to have a baby with Adrian.

The day I found out I was pregnant, I made a point of taking time off work. I bought the ingredients for his favorite dishes, wanting to surprise him at home.

But in the garage of our house, I ran into Danielle. She was sitting in Adrian's car, wearing my nightgown. Black lace. The kind Adrian liked.

He held the back of her head and kissed her hard, fiercely.

His voice was low and husky as he coaxed her. “Call me your husband, baby.” I'd heard those words countless times when we were intimate.

I'd never imagined he'd say them to someone else. Condoms littered the parking space. They were so lost in each other that they hadn't noticed me arrive.

I leaned against a column and watched them hold each other and kiss, almost as though I were trying to hurt myself.

I didn't know how much time had passed when Danielle finally noticed me. She cried out and buried her face in Adrian's chest. Still holding the girl, Adrian looked up impatiently.

His eyes met mine. Chapter 3 I stared at him, drained of strength. The wind caught the ultrasound printout in my hand. It whirled a few times, then drifted down at his feet.

That was the first time I'd caught Adrian cheating. I remembered how he'd looked down at the ultrasound that day, apologizing and saying how much he regretted it.

He said he'd only lost his head for a moment. It would never happen again.

It turned into such a scene that my mother came over too. “Claire, you're having a baby,” she said. “You can't let your baby start life without a father.

As a woman, sometimes you just have to put up with things. Besides, the family business is struggling. We still need the Whitmans' support.

You absolutely cannot get divorced at a time like this.” Everyone in the family urged me to forgive Adrian. He said he'd end things with Danielle and treat me well from then on.

But at night, lying beside me, he kept tossing and turning, unable to sleep. At first, he went into the living room to smoke.

Later, he started leaving the house, using work as an excuse. He wouldn't come back until dawn, smelling of perfume, with lipstick marks he hadn't even noticed.

One day, I was out shopping when I tripped over a rock as I passed the park. My belly hurt unbearably. I was bleeding between my legs. Instinctively, I called Adrian.

He finally answered on the eighth ring, his voice hurried. “Claire, I'm in a meeting at the office. I'll call you back later.” Then he hastily hung up.

I hadn't managed to get a single word out. The park's Ferris wheel was about fiftyfive yards away. I'd heard someone had booked it for private use that day.

Through the glass, I saw Adrian and Danielle sitting inside a gondola. Champagne and a cake stood between them. It was Danielle's birthday.

While Adrian celebrated with her, I was taken into an operating room. While they held each other and kissed on the Ferris wheel, I lost my baby.

He didn't get to the hospital until the next day. “I just wanted to spend her birthday with her,” he explained. “Once her birthday was over, I was going to end it for good.” My eyes were swollen from crying.

I took off my ring, hurled it into his face, and asked for a divorce. The divorce never happened.

The older members of our families said I was caught up in my emotions and shouldn't make rash decisions. Our families' interests were too deeply entangled. So we separated.

He lived on the south side of the city. I lived on the north. We didn't see each other for three years. During those three years, Danielle became his companion.

She lived with him and accompanied him to all sorts of events. Everyone knew I was Mrs. Whitman in name only.

They lamented that our fairytale romance hadn't received a fairytale ending.

Then one day, Adrian went back to the family home to look for something and found my old notebook of wishes. Ninetynine wishes. Sixtythree completed.

Perhaps the familiar handwriting reminded him of our young love. Perhaps he felt a rare pang of guilt. Or perhaps he was simply tired of Danielle.

Adrian cut ties with her and made a very public announcement that he was returning to his family.

On the day the story appeared in the news, I saw a comment. [After everything they've been through, two people in love will meet again at the crossroads of fate and walk on hand in hand.] Throughout the three years Adrian had missed, I kept dreaming of him despite myself.

But when he was finally standing in front of me, I felt nothing special at all. There wasn't even a dull ache in my heart.

Was this what they called being in love? “Claire.” Adrian's voice brought me back to the present. “I didn't think this through.

From now on… we won't ride the Ferris wheel anymore.” Chapter 4 “There are plenty of places we can go on dates.

I'll take you somewhere else.” Fighting the urge to vomit, I looked down at the diamond on my ring finger. Only one thought remained in my head.

The diamond was good quality, and its carat weight was decent too. I could probably get quite a bit for it if I sold it.

After we got home from the Ferris wheel, Adrian became even more careful around me. He stopped taking me to malls, because he'd taken Danielle to every mall in the city.

He got rid of the car he'd cheated in. He even had the garage sealed off. I told him over and over that there was no need. He stubbornly insisted anyway. Our housekeeper, Ms.

Simpson, watched all this and remarked, “Mrs. Whitman, Dr. Whitman is so attentive to you. He's thinking of you in everything he does.

He said you're anemic, so the kitchen has been making chicken soup and preparing nutritious meals every day, all to help build your strength.” I looked up at her. “Do you know why I'm anemic?

I fell apart emotionally after the miscarriage, and my body never recovered properly. I've been anemic ever since. It's been three years. It's far too late for any of that now.” Ms.

Simpson seemed about to say more, then abruptly stopped, looking awkward. She addressed someone behind me. “Dr.

Whitman.” I turned and saw Adrian standing in the doorway, holding two boxes of nutritional supplements. Hearing that, he slowly moved them behind his back, his face pale.

He stood there for a while, seemingly wanting to say something. But when I lowered my head and went back to my reports, he finally closed the door and left without a word.

When I'd finished the reports, I was ready to go back to my room and sleep. Adrian and I had been sleeping in separate rooms ever since he moved back.

But when I opened my bedroom door, there he was. He'd just showered. He wore only a bath towel, and water still dripped from his hair.

His gaze settled on me, his Adam's apple bobbing once. He walked toward me, step by step. “Claire, you wrote in your notebook that you wanted to have a baby with me.

I've worked it out. You're ovulating today. Let's try for a baby again.” When I didn't answer, he paused before going on. “We're at that age, and our families keep pushing.

It's time we had a child.” I suddenly thought of the little life we'd lost. If he'd lived, he'd be old enough for preschool now.

Perhaps I wouldn't have been so lonely these past few years. While I was lost in thought, warmth suddenly enveloped me.

Adrian wrapped his arms around my waist, bent slightly, and rested his chin on my shoulder. He worked out regularly.

Over the years, his body hadn't just stayed in shape; it had gotten better. Just as he used to, he lifted me up and set me on the vanity.

His lips stopped about four inches from mine. He was about to kiss me. I turned my head away and stopped him. “Let go